Let's decelerate

"The Romantics warned this modern fixation on speed was a self-made “iron cage” that would lead to alienation, loss of meaning, and an unwillingness towards self-reflection. The remedy, they proposed, was deceleration." - Gulnaz Khan (National Geographic article about the longest train ride through India)

God....I can be such a bitch.

Last night

A girlfriend and I went dancing.

It was so much fun.

We closed the place down

And I danced more than I have in at least a decade

(What can I say...im old. Lol)

It was great

I got drunk

(Which I hate doing

But does help me dance with abandon

So I made an exception)

It was all great and fun

Until I woke up and remembered

My moment of cruelty

As we were leaving and waiting for our ride

A black man stood on the corner with headphones on

Yelling in anger

About God knows what

And I just wasn't in the mood

He was directing it towards me (it seemed)

But not about me (I felt)

But I still just didn't want any part of it

So I said as loudly and strongly as I could

Which is not all that loud really

"I don't care"

And walked behind him and away

He spoke after me saying

"I don't care either"

And that was that

I can't begin to imagine life as a black man

Especially in this white-topia

But I do know what it is to hurt

To have life knock you down so hard you can't even imagine going on

To have all your dreams crushed

Your hope gone

Women express that typically in depression and men more so in wrath

But it is the same monster

The same desperation.

I know it well

It has been my bedfellow (before)

But I just wasn't in the mood

Had he come to me

Talked

Asked

Openly

I would have given him money

A hug

A bit of my time and attention

Why not?

Are we not here to share in the experience of this all

The glory and the pain

But when you come at me with hatred

Anger

Fear

There is no gateway to you there

And I refuse to even try

Perhaps that is my own issue at hand

And I chose to walk away

Forgive me God

For I was a bitch last night.

Gratitude & Humility

The things that makes it clearly understood

If someone is using/being used

Or not

This thing called life

it will pass

Like all things

So embrace it

Love it

Whatever is set before you

Find some gratitude

Find some happiness in it

Find the love

Find the compassion

Because that's what will make the difference

Between living

And existing

And we've only got one pass (that I know off)

So do it

Go for it

Make the best of it

Allow yourself to be happy

No matter what

Only human

The oppressors enjoy the priveledge of oppressing

Wittingly

Begrudgingly

Imperviously

A look at the Stanford Prison Experiment

Clearly demonstrates how quickly we assimilate

To grandiose entitlement

And inhumane behavior

And are able to justify it so easily to ourselves

********

I've been priveledged to be in an "upper class"

Not by gender

Not by race/nationality

Not by color of my skin

Not by social status

Not by wealth

But as arbitrary as all the rest

Solely at times

And as of late more fleetingly

By looks

Have I abused this power or priveledge

I think not

Probably because I've gone in and out of the appropriate weight range

Far too often

Have I taken it for granted

Probably in my youth

A few times maybe

But I like to think that people respond to me

Out of more than just outward beauty

I like to think they can see inside

And know I really do try

And know

I really do my best

And know

Deep down I really do care

For each and every person,place and thing I encounter

But maybe I'm being naive

I don't know

Maybe I simply appreciate being treated with kindness

And try my hardest to treat others as such

Id like to think I do build bridges with my heart.

That's the hope

That's the ideal

That I miss that mark

Is I'm sure quite evident

But it doesn't stop the pursuit

After all

I can accept that

I'm only human