Any Bible (religious book)

I could get on board with it (specifically the bible here)

Maybe

If it talked about all people

And didn't have every other reference be about and to men

I'm sure it's not a literal reference

But if someone went through and changed all "men" to people

And took out any reference to women being subservient by force and not desire to men

As well as added in more parts about Marie (mother of God), Magdalena, even Joan of Arc and the such

I'm sure in that supposed original bible that has been all so loosely translated

Some parts may have been omitted about women

That sees them as powerful and equal

No?  Can one not hope?

And until the church shows me this and exemplifies it

I simply don't want to hear it

From anyone

It's hypocritical to profess love and acceptance

When you can't even accept women as equals

I don't care who you are

Chess player

I used to be a pretty decent chess player. Even beat the games a few times.

Not because of my brilliant overall game either.

But simply because I was good at defense

I play such a good defense

That it may look like offense

But it's really just me guarding my king

Or in real life

Guarding my heart

Which is why I believe

While chess is indeed a lot like life

That it really shouldn't be

It really shouldn't

Gotta be happy

I'm not bitter

You'd think I could be

Would be

Because of the errors I've made in my life

And the consequences I've had to suffer

Sometimes not even caused by me

But no

I'm really not

Because it is what it is

There is no changing the past

There is only accepting it

learning from it

And moving on

To make today and hopefully tomorrow too

A better place

And time 

Turkey

Turkey just had an attempted coup, right?

They captured thousands of people and then shortly thereafter released a great majority (I believe) of them.*. Most probably because the infrastructure isn't in place to detain them. How do they get fed?  Where do they get housed?  Who houses them when they are brothers, sisters, moms and dads, family and friends of those challenged to detain them?

The US is probably one of the few superpower countries to have such a plan already prepared for. To have the infrastructure to detain a great many of its own citizens (if the government and military see fit to it). It's a scary thought really. All this violence. All this hate. All these killings. All because when you give people power they abuse it for the benefit of the very few (if not a party of just one even) and not for the grand whole or even those most closely involved.**



*the article I was reason on it bugged out but I wanted to get my thoughts down

**at least that seems to be the case a good majority of the time. Not always though. Thank God!

Jails

Ever been to a county jail?

Ever been to the waiting room

Know what you see

A lot of nice

"Normal"

Families

Friends

Loved ones

Waiting to see the people they care about. 

I agree that people should pay consequences

I simply feel that sometimes

Life has already handed them enough

Beforehand

It doesn't excuse the behavior. Though. Not one bit

But what is a jail

It's not a center of rehabilitation

Are you really getting to know these people

Getting to know how they got at where they got

And walking them back home

Through real rehabilitation

Real progress towards becoming a better human(e)

In the grand experience of life

Or are you just putting them all in a room together so they can learn each other's tricks, become even more jaded, be harmed and even possibly killed and then (if they're lucky; which most are) unleashing the back on the public. (Lol)

Cheeky Ego

It's our cheeky little minds

That create situations

Which simply aren't there sometimes

Or maybe they are

But always with more layers than what it seems

Trust that things are simply never 

Exactly what it seems

Because our human brains 

Are so limited

Most of us have lost our innate 6th sense

And sometimes we can't see all the motivations

All the ulterior motives

Trust that even sometimes

They are in our best interest

And yet we still do not always see it

Some of us become privy of them 

Only upon death and dying*

That is when we get to see the greatest Greek tragedy of all

Our own lives

In complete, all included, no-membership required, stereo sound

**********

*that is why when people are dying they want the truth so much. Why they seek it out so fervently. Because they are seeing the truth almost as if for the first time, but really it's only again. Their senses awaken, their hearts open and a floodgate of love and remorse come through the roadway, gushing up the sides. Once you see the truth, you can't unsee it. Ask anyone who has almost died. Ask me. I'll tell you. (Well no, not actually in person, that would be weird;wouldn't it?  Lol - you can read other blogs I've posted to read for yourself. Al be it a sore rendition of the truth. For how can one explain the inexplicable? And even still. I can't always see the truth behind "the truth", but I can always see people's humanities, except when I'm scared; damn fear!!!)

Let yourself be loved

one of the absolute hardest things in life sometimes

Is to let yourself be loved

To accept that you are ok exactly as you are

Because society is constantly trying to tell you otherwise

Constantly trying to put doubt into you

To scare you

Not always purposely though

Is the worst part

Is there ever a way

A chance

That you would let yourself feel perfect

Always

To feel truly happy

And content

With who we are

And for how things are

I'm not to say that it isn't with deep sorrow felt

For those we have also hurt

Along the way

In this great fight of life

Let's rise up

Andra Day - Rise Up

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=hmHfo_3EGFA

Is anyone listening?

talking heads original video

"(Nothing but) Flowers"

Dissilusioned sometimes

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=c3t5nmgRVMs

I'm at times so perplexed.

As to how I can be pulled

In two completely opposing directions

By life

And not have a clue which direction to take

I was told to wait

Wait until the answer is absolutely clear

To no one but me

So

As hard as that is

That's what I am following

And I really hope

I'm not hurting anyone

In the process of deciding

And living in this limbo

Do I like limbo?

Maybe I do

As I recall it was a pretty fun game as a child

Is ego simply doubt?

I dare to think so

So in love

I've fallen in love a lot of times

And a loss less than I could have

If I would have let myself 

And I'm telling you

That all it takes is one look

To kill your love (in the others eyes)

One of those looks......that says

"I don't accept you as you are"

"I don't accept you for who you are"

(Perhaps even a) 

"So you need to change

If you expect my love"

And

I know because 

I've been on both sides of that dilemma 

And I don't know

I don't have a solution for that

Some grand gesture perhaps

Some grand plan

To make it all right again

It can be as little as the right touch

At the right time

Or as far as

going and doing 

Beyond just the extraordinary

Even if just this one time

So that while you sometimes simply can't take it back

You also can not let yourself forget 

That you've got to start somewhere

**************

Last lines inspired by 

Damien Rice - Trusty and True

Mi linda Argentina

I've learned tonight of some additionally wonderful Argentinian traits. I'm so in love with that culture. I can see why they are a little snobby. They think themselves better than a grand majority of South Americans and most especially Mexicans. Their economy is stable. They don't have a desperate need for jobs or to leave violence behind as in Mexico.  I mean sure it has its problems. It's classism and economic divide, but it also has a beauty and inclusiveness.  Granted this is all a superficial knowledge of that country. 

It saddens me though that because of the huge demand for the premium beef they eat, ( kind their culinary culture seems to be based around), they are now feeding their livestock GMO food and growth hormones. It saddens me that it will take them 20 years to realize the spike in cancer will have occurred and who knows how long if ever to attribute it to the above two reasons. 

So sad. So very sad. 

My heart walking around outside my body

Parenting is hard

There is a never a time when you can say

My job is over

From here on out: smooth sailing

Never

Because I imagine

That their trials and tribulations

Are always also partly yours

No matter what their age

Not because you directly bear any cause to them (one hopes)

But because you deeply care that they are suffering them

It's like that for me now 

And I just don't ever foresee that being different. 

It's like I tell them

Even one day when you're carrying me around, or pushing me around in a stroller (wheelchair; knock on wood)

You'll still be my babies

Everyone

hates someone

And this habit of non-acceptance

Generally starts

With oneself.

**********

In other words

In order for you to have full acceptance of another

You must start with fully accepting yourself

My minx

I was blessed with a stubborn child. 

Cheeky little munch that she is 

She seems always so full of life

Full of rebuttals

Wanting to challenge her world

At each turn

And she's only 3 

So I offer her choices

A barrage of choices

And that usually assuages her stubbornness 

To some great degree

Yet sometimes 

Especially lately

She comes back at me with

"I don't know"

Which I've grown to understand as

More of an 

"I don't want to make a decision, can you please make it for me"

Which then most often means she will then just go with the flow.

I always reassure her

That I know

"Mommy knows"

Whether I do or don't isn't even a point here really

It's that she needs comfort

She needs a rock

She needs a break from "being in control"

Which she really isn't

I've simply been offering the choices I deem acceptable

But she feels she is in control

And don't we all need a break

From making life decisions

Once in a while

****************

Life is a funny conundrum that way

It's too bad everyone always takes it so serious.  

Illogical

i was starting to think that child abuse

Especially sexual

Is much more predominant than anyone even imagines

I mean we can already rightfully assume it is under reported

We will never have accurate statistics because

It isn't something people want to admit to

But maybe

I'm too close to the situation to see it clearly

Maybe I'm like a police officer

Who sees an abnormally high amount of violence daily

Who then starts to believe that violence is everywhere always

To some degree sure

It does seem to be human nature

But on the whole maybe it stays fairly consistent.

Maybe?

Maybe it goes in cyclical waves

Like most everything else seems to do

I don't know.

I'm willing to admit

That while I think child sexual abuse is very dominant in our world

In modern society probably most especially

That maybe it isn't necessarily worse than it's ever been

But wouldn't it be better if it simply didn't exist?

But how do you prevent something

That no one really talks about

That usually happens in the privacy of people's own homes

That is perpetuated by people within your inner circle mostly

That seems to be handed down or passed like a baton

When there are no preventative measures

If an abuser abuses because he/she was abused

And the victim goes on to abuse

The cycle is never ending

So where do we break it?

If we are going to leave it to each individual person

To break their own cycle of abuse

God save us all

Because I don't see the resources

The support

Available to have that happen

In real life

May love prevail.....

This generation is screwed

I look at my girls

Ages 3-13

And I feel sorry for them

Sure

They are in an age

Where they can possibly be president now

But at what cost if there isn't genuine acceptance of women as equals?

I look at a lot of today's porn

Which is so violent*

And listen to today's music

Which a lot of times advocates looking at each other as only sexual objects for the sheer purpose of personal gratification

And it saddens me so much

Sure 

There is lip service

There are laws

Some people have progressed to believe it

But as a society

In general

It really isn't there

It's like 

A hotel having a welcome sign

But the doors locked and no one inside

It looks accepting

But it really isn't

Except  

In our case

In the case of society

It actually perpetuates violence against women

As acceptable

Maybe again. Not on the surface

Not in its laws

But definitely in its psyche

Definitely in its customs

But People learn by example

If your religions have no women leaders

Your jobs have no female bosses

Your  mothers take a subservient role

If one learns 

That making fun of women is acceptable

That making decisions for them

About their bodies and roles in society

Is completely acceptable and necessary    
For their own protection

Then what lessons are you learning.
That women aren't equal

And no matter how much you say otherwise

It won't correct the locked door    
But don't get me wrong

I'm not saying men have it much better

The ever so tiny consolation for them

Is that as the perpetuators they don't have to live the actual pain

They just have to live with themselves for causing it

And unfortunately it seems to be a role

A lot of them don't seem to have a huge problem fulfilling

And yet still. I can manage to be grateful to some extent

That things could be worse

But that's still a far cry

From it being right

*some of it seems closer to rape and abuse than sex

Today's Mantra

I love and accept myself completely

Exactly the way I am

The past does not dictate my future

Unless I let it 

not bi-polar

I realize

That in life. 

I come off a bit wishy-washy

And it's not that I'm trying to be coy

Or deceptive

It's that I simply haven't made my mind up 100%

It's that I'm still just going with the flow

And that flow 

Much like the tides in the ocean

Runs in and out 

In many directions

All simultaneously

Trust that

I'm not trying to be disloyal

Or indecisive

I'm just waiting until I have it all 

Absolutely clear in my own mind

Before I declare it to the world

And/or decide to do something about it

Washing Shit

So

I  may not be remembering  this 100% correctly

but didn't Jesus wash the feet of those that visited him

or was it those he visited

I believe it was those he visited

but I'm not sure

maybe both

the point is

back in that time

the roads were full of shit

literally

there was no good plumbing system

back then

not everywhere

and Jesus travelled far and wide

so in essence

he was literally cleaning shit off of people feet

now think about that for a second

let that really sink in

Jesus

The man millions of people adulate

washed people's feet

with his hands

He washed shit off of peoples feet with his bare hands

if that isn't ultimate humility

and love

then I must have it all ass backwards

"Imagine" - John Lennon

Beautiful song

A dream come true

Except in my mind

The first two lyrics are wrong 

But hey

That's just my opinion right now

I may change my mind

If I learn some compelling information otherwise

I'm still growing. 

I'm still learning

I'm not done becoming who I am

It's an ongoing process

Not here.

I don't have a heart of gold

Don't paint me into any corners

I never said that

 never will say that

I'm human

And fallible

And just me

Just me

That's all I'm trying to be

Not better

I am absolutely no better than any single person walking this earth

Not do I pretend to be

I've never to mind, said I was

I maybe saw things a little clearer than someone else

But sometimes it's easier to see things from outside lookin in

Isn't it

All I can truly say is that

I simply am trying to be authentic

Every step of the way

To be genuine

Now that's a tall order for anyone

So please excuse me

If sometimes I fail

But please know

I'll keep trying

I'm still trying

Yep....trying

Constant battle.

Sometimes possibly against my own self

But worth it

So worth it.

*

There's a story of a Buddhist monk
Who was invited to eat and rest
When he was left alone in the room
He saw a beautiful trinket
That he loved and wanted to have
And as he picked it up to take it
He said out loud for everyone to hear
"Stop that thief"
And at once everyone rushed to see the commotion
And he explained the situation

It's a really funny story. Who knows if it's true. But I can find the beauty in it.

I'm just as fallible as anyone else.

I can only be myself

It's all I was born to be

I'm sorry

If that journey

Has disappointed some of you

I've never meant anyone any harm

I'm just doing the best I can

*********

How does love transform people?

I honestly don't really know

It just does

I can maybe guess

That it reaches something

Deep down inside each of us

Something beyond words

Something you can't really define

When you look at someone

Even momentarily

With unconditional love

It transforms their entire world

It can

It's just that powerful

(Does a person have to have a frame of reference for love?  If like those lab monkeys, have never known love can they understand love?  I don't know. I've yet to meet a person that I believed to be pure evil and I hope to God that never happens - that that doesn't exist. I honestly don't know.  So. To not live afraid. Let's assume that life so far is exactly what's it's presented itself to be so far; a bunch of fallible humans simply doing the best we can).

I know

(Maybe?

Being half Hispanic half black minority

Born in the US

I have a unique vantage

Maybe that helps me to know a little

To Understand a little more both sides

But I'm hoping and guessing and wanting to believe

That we all have it in us

To see the other persons point of view for ourselves

To let ourselves step into their shoes

As best we can)


**********

I do honestly, truly value

The customs and traditions of the United States
The laws by which this country was founded

but I also know the heart of the minority

I know that when those laws are not used judiciously

Equally

That you want to scream

That you want to pound your fists and cry

(I think this is all people treated unfairly really

And even some not treated unfairly. Lol)

But my point is.

I get it

It's hard to not get excited.

To let all your emotions out

Because how are you suppose to effect change?

If you can't let people know you want things differently?

Conundrum indead

But the only way

That I've seen from personal Experience

 to ever effect real change in the world

Is to come at the situation

Any situation

With love

It's hard as heck

I will not lie

But it's the only way

Truly.

To come at the problem

With an open heart

Consistently

Not just to those that agree with you

But to everyone in it with you

"You're not alone" as per my wise husband, or in the process of being ex husband (don't ask)

We're all in it together

Right?

What kind of life

What kind of life would it be

To live always in fear

To live always angry

To live always bitter or resentful

To live in constant stress

It just isn't much of a life

Really

But does life go smoothly

Just because you decide you want to always be happy

I don't know yet

Mostly it's been working out

But thinks a work in progress

As am I

So please bear with me



-****____****____****____****___****

We shall break soon for audience participation. ;) (joke)

Coincidences.

I don't think I've ever thought more than in passing a few times in my life about Mary Magdelaine. Yet tonight that I write A blog about her the song "don't know how to love him" cames on. I didn't realize it was a Jesus Christ Superstar song.

Weird coincidences. I'll have to watch that movie again. Why did she feel that way?  Low self esteem?  How am I listening to love songs?  I hate how it tries to guess the genre you wanted to hear. I only put in Crosby Stills and Nash. Ugghh.

Life is meant to teach you what you need to learn. Right?  And isn't the saying that "God doesn't give you more than you can handle"?  I hope that's true. I like to hope it is. But unless you're living your life like that father in "life is beautiful".  I don't exactly know for sure. I sometimes have my doubts and I know you can't have doubts with God. God can do anything. Because even then; not everyone died in those concentration camps.

Life is hard. Really really hard sometimes.

Doesn't everyone?

I'm not dying
Not that I know of
Except to the extent of any other person
Let's Say I'm in the middle of the curve maybe
But doesn't everyone on their deathbed
Want to say
Like in the Frank Sinatra song
"I did it my way"

I know I do

And that way

Is hurting the least people possible

And loving and helping all those I can

Along the way

If I can

In any which way that I can

And hopefully in a way most beneficial to them*

Simple

And yet so hard

* i always hate (but totally understand) when people help in the way they want to help, but not necessarily in the way help is needed.  I did that once, or very recently I should say, when I offered gently used toys and clothes to this homeless encampment and they told me they didn't need that. That they needed real necessities; food, water, sundries and money. It was honest. Why accept something not needed?  I need to find somewhere else that can use those things; because that need is out there somewhere.

I'm an idiot.

I never say never

And I love to have a good time

I love to meet people

I love to see the world.

I love to let myself live

With my heart leading the way

I know that scares people

They want me to be logical

And Jason was my "logical" sometimes

My sounding board.

That's how it should be right?

Marriage should be about

Loving and supporting you spouse

In whatever they are going through

And showing up

For the "shit show"

No matter what it looks like

And guiding them gently

Lovingly

Being on their side

Always

At least trying

And he did that well sometimes

I'm going to miss that part of marriage

How to stop

csn soneone please tell me how to stop being so paranoid

It's hard

There seems to be a lot of bad in the world

Real bad

But how do you combat that

If not with love

Right?

It's so hard to do

I try and fail absolutely miserably sometimes.

But I am trying my best

And I'm so sorry. To those of you I failed

As I tell my children

All the world has a right to ask of you

Is your individual best

After all

Only you can bring you to the table

More poems

(I'll correct spelling later, having an off day)

There are too many rules in life

That's where we all get into trouble.

It's hard to follow all the rules

No one can do them all. 

Not a single person

Not even a priest

Or haven't you heard

If we could just all listen to our hearts more

And obviously be logical to

The problem is that

Logical is different things

To different people

Based on our own heritage

Genetics

Upbringing

It all plays a role

Environment vs nurture?

Who knows. 

My point is

There are too many rules

And no one following them

So really

What's the point?

I'm not advocating anarchy. 

I'm advocating a little 

Common sense

In the policies and procedures maybe

How can you not fire a teacher that humiliates and chastises children?

How can you not fire a police officer that says we should kill all "black lives matter" people?

Does that make any sense

To anyone

I'm not advocating against labor unions

The been great too

They got us our short (8) hour days 

They got children out of factories

What I'm saying is we need 

More love 

Right

We need more compassion

In this world. 

No one is perfect

But we need people to BE ABLE to stand up for the right thing

To do the right thing

No matter what

For example

And I know it's a really bad one because there are far too many sides to it. And I'll try to think of a much better one.

The government now is handing down one of the harshest sentences ever for treason

To someone who provided proof that the government is spying on its own people.

It seems to me she did he right thing

Maybe along the way she de it wrong

I don't know

But how can we chastise her for having the right intentions

Listen to that lovely Crosby, Stills & Nash song "teach your children". 

Changed my mind

i used to think

That love was magical

That when you would fall in love with someone

It was everything you wanted and more

And that the sun would rise and set with this person

And I do still believe that

With my entire being

I just don't believe it's for me

I no longer believe I have the opportunity for that in life

And it's ok

I'm perfectly ok with it

Truly I am

It's not that I don't want to love again

Because I do

It's that.

Things are different.

My life is different.

It's all about my girls.

They mean the world to me

They are my everything's. My darling Angels

A mother could not be more proud

Of such 3 magical beings

Well ok

A lot of mothers

Most mothers (thank God) feel this way

Hooray for moms

But.

Maybe my choices in life got me to a point where

It's not out there for me

Truthfully

I can be okay without it. I truly can.

And especially right now

When it will just make things  complicated

That's not what I need

Sure

Everyone wants to be loved

Even more importantly

We want to love

But for now I have the girls to attuned to

I have their happiness to think of

They did not chose this life

They did not chose for the situation they are going through (divorce)

So.

You know what

I can accept

And live with it perfectly fine.

If it means a better life for my children

Then so be it.

I do love men

What's not to love, right?

But I don't need to bring anyone around them

I don't need to introduce them to people they shouldn't be meeting.

Ugghhh.

I really can accept it

Who needs to love just one person anyway

When I can go around loving the entire world (like Jesus, not Magdelena).*

I know it's offensive for some people that I compare myself to Jesus. Obviously I am not Jesus, obviously. Let me introduce myself. Massiel Galla at your service. But wasn't it Jesus who said he was no better than anyone else though. Didn't he?

Had a hard day

Confusing day*

Spoke to probably one of the absolutely smartest people I've ever talked to.

A guy with a great heart. Good, good man.

And he had me upside down

(Head out of gutter please)

Looking at things from so many sides

Because

It can be fun

But it's all a shit show

It's all people doing the best they can

In what life gave them

And having to look hard at yourself

And how you ended up how you did

Holding up that mirror to yourself

That's a hard pill to swallow

Isn't it?

But you never learn more

Than at that moment

When the vail of your masque gets peeled away

The one you never even reveal to yourself

The one you're scared to talk about

If you let yours to recover from that

With humility

With acceptance

With gratitude

And truly learn from it

Life will change right?

Once you become truly aware

What choice do you have

Can't live in denial forever

Right?

God, I am confused. God please show me the way. God please open my heart to your plan for me.  Because I know. My life is not my own. It is really your life. The life you gave me.  And I am trying so hard to be here to serve it.

*so excuse my previous writings for the day.  My thinking is very skewed today.