Pain

Pain has such a rawness

Is has this power

To break you

In ways you never even saw coming

It has a way

To make you see things

You never knew you didn’t see

To make you understand things

You never knew you didn’t understand

Pain opens gates to a realness

A depth of reality

Few of us ever get to see

We skate upon the surface of it

Never knowing how much more of the storyline

There always is

Ever oblivious

Until the pain

The devastating pain

Awakens us

To feelings of depth

To a much better understanding

To a true knowing

Thank you!

When I think about what I would do, if I could do exactly what I wanted to make a living...the only thing that comes to mind to me is writing.  I have had a passion and love for it since I was a teenager.

I am struggling to find the time and energy to finish a trilogy that has been ruminating in my head for some years now.  I have the first few chapters of the first book and a very brief and rough outline in my head for the others, but it would be one of my absolute greatest joys in life if I had the financial comfort to support my children and write without having to constantly hustle.  Financial stress and creativity don't go hand in hand for me.

So this means more to me than I can ever truly express and for that all I can say is a very deep and heartfelt...

Thank you!

I hope that I can be of service to you in the capacity that you need. So that this may be an equal blessing for you.

Cancelled

It's ok.  You are allowed to change your mind. No harm, no foul.  Maybe next time. ;)

Everyone has value

everyone has value in this world

Everyone has something unique to give to the world

Some perspective

Some view

Some look

Something

And to see and appreciate the value we have within ourselves

Is pricelsss.

It’s the cornerstone of self-esteem

And to see it in all others as well

Is divinity

Realms

Seems to me that whatever created this realm

Also created at least 3 more realms to coincide with this one

Heaven

Hell

Purgatory/limbo

I’ve gotten a glimpse of one other but I can’t say now with certainty what that was

So I prefer to say nothing. It was pretty glorious though. I will say.

Being that they all transpire in the same moment and place in time simultaneously

Wouldn’t one assume that many other millions of worlds could also coincide in this exact same  infinity/eternity

And we are all just blissfully oblivious to it

It only makes perfect scientific sense to me

It will be proven

Maybe it has been already

We Neanderthals are just too primitive to grasp it. Maybe?

The Devil

it occurred to me that maybe

Just maybe

The Devil while they find enjoyment to our suffering and pain

Great enjoyment

Maybe it’s just because what we’ve done to ourselves is so funny

Really the devil just shines a light on who you’ve become

A very bright light

Where all your insecurities

All the things you took on to be true

The fears

The phobias

The anger

Jealousy

Disappointments

It all gets mirrored back to you at a megadose

All at once in constant stream

To where you are literally sophisticated by your own demons

Maybe that is funny to some people.

It lacks compassion. Sure.

But I see the stark contrast

I experienced it

Maybe over time I can understand it better.

Maybe I’ll just muck it up by overthinking it.

Who knows. Lol

It can be exhausting

This world

And the games we all play

The nuances of social interactions

The roles

The tones and undertones

The bravado beneath the falsities

It can get so fucking exhausting to follow along with sometimes

That it’s almost much easier just being mellow

And free and going with ones own rythym

God doesn’t fault you

God doesn’t fault you for trying your best

To be the best you can be*

True to yourself

True to others

It’s the Devil that laughs and celebrates when you go out of your way

When you purposely cause harm

And/or turn your back to other people’s suffering

When you behave selfishly

As if only you, your loves and your pleasures existed to be fueled

That’s when the Devil has another soul to feed off of

Another soul turned away from God


_______
*just you’re own personal best.

Not some figment of people’s imagination.

Not someone else’s notion of what that should be

Not standards set by anyone or anything outside of yourself

You may think you know what you’re capable of

But you truly aren’t aware

Of just exactly how amazingly wonderful that really is

You just can’t grasp the reality of how other worldly you are

Underneath all the bullshit you’ve piled on. Lol

Don’t apologize

So often in life it seems like one is asked to apologize for who they are

Because they just aren’t good enough

I say don’t

I say accept yourself completely as you are

The good. The bad. The ugly.

Take it all in.

Ruminate with it

And let it be

As long as you aren’t being a total ass

By hurting others with intention and/or lies

By controlling and manipulating others

Especially those in less powerful positions

Then why the hell not?

If you are doing those behaviors

Cut it the hell out

If hell is anything like heaven (as far as planes of existence)

Then there is ample room for everyone there

But heaven misses you already

And if you knew the beauty of heaven*

You would not want to miss the homecoming of your soul


————

*take every one of your deepest feelings of joy and love. Every instant where your heart thought it would burst with joy, where tears came to your eyes, where you could feel the glory of God and multiply that to the he power of infinity. Yes!!!  Infinity. That’s as close a picture of heaven as I can paint you.

Waiting

I’ve prayed

and wished upon the moon, the stars, the angels

To bring me you

A representation of God on earth

To meld perfectly with me

In a space of pure love

I know you exist

I know the experience exists

And as I draw towards what most deem the halfway mark

I wonder

With waning hope at times

If we will come to fruition

If the dream will become reality

Faith

Mankind is fallible

Easily corrupted

And manipulated

Easily herded into group mentality

Easily blinded by fear and anger

Which is why I like to ask why

When presented with rules, norms, customs, etc.

God

Is pure

Is love

Is all encompassing peace

And I have faith

True faith

And faith needs no explanation

I don’t care why

I have no idea

Why I am here really

I have vague existential nuances that have guided me towards certain beliefs

Are they 100% fact?

No clue

They’re what I go by

Only because nothing else seems any more credible

I have my own journey to navigate 

Is it a journey of some grand purpose?

Is it just happenstance?

Is it pure fiction?

Who knows?

Who cares?

I don’t 

I don’t care about the grand ultimate scheme of why

Because in reality

Asking the question doesn’t lead to a change in what I am trying to accomplish here

And that is

To be happy

To be at peace with myself

With my choices

To make the most out of it

Whatever this is

Whatever I have before me

I do stumble 

I do make mistakes

But I go on

Knowing 

Beyond a shadow of any doubt 

That this moment and what I make of it

Is far more important than ruminating over any existential conundrum will ever be

Which is what I think people overlook

The simplicity of that

Just right here

Right now

What do I chose?

Me.....personally...I:

Chose happiness

Chose peace

Chose forgiveness

Chose acceptance

Chose compassion

Chose love

Right now in this moment 

Letting everything else fall by the wayside

The past

The future

All irrelevant to my now

So ask yourself 

Who do you chose to be now?

Yes but why

I’ve always been a bit of a rebel

Some would say

I would not

I would say ever inquisitive

And trying to be pendant

When I get told to do something

I respond much better and follow through best

If I’m told why

Because I want to use my own judgement

In life we have to follow sooo many rules

Social cues

Etiquette

Speech patterns

Deciphering people’s characteristics

Analyzing our environment

That it all gets so exhausting

That while a lot would take upon he easier route of just following along

Trusting

And/or not caring about a why

But that isn’t me

I haven’t learned life’s lessons by just following along

I’ve learned them by paying attention

and knowing and understanding the why

If my heart can’t follow along

Then what’s the point of life at all

Isn’t it then not truly worth living

For what kind of life can that be?

One devoid of your very own spirit

Succulent

Tempting

So open

So receptive

So enticing

Where is the limit?

Some find it hard to decipher

But......

Ask yourself

Does the “object” of these enticements Feel the same way?

If there is any doubt

Any doubt at all

Be it because of age

Title

Power

Money

Inebriation

Fear

Or what have you

Any doubt what so ever

If you hold power over this person

In whatever minute way

Then err on the side of caution

And offer distance to the situation

Or you may find yourself caught in a horrendous quagmire one day

I feel

like taffy

Being pulled in complete diametrically opposed positions*

One one hand so small

To be blessed with the glory of being part of God

And on the other

My soul feels as infinite as eternity

And feels the power and strength of God’s love

It is breathtaking

It is magical

It is illuminating

Enchanting

Spellbinding

Wondrous

And absolutely spectacular

And I wish everyone would open themselves to feel it

It’s in there

In each and everyone of us

It’s just a matter of letting it pour out

Just let it come forth

In some of us that voice is so quiet

So distant

So muffled

And muttled seeming

But it’s there

And the more you listen to it

The more you open yourselves to it

The more you will feel closer to God

There is no actual close

You are all you ever need to be

You are already in God-space

You just need to channel your heart

And open the floodgates









*is that redundant?  Seems a bit maybe and pretentious. Right?

Trascend the fear

Sometimes it’s when your back feels against the wall

When you’re being hit in a lot of directions

By things that are producing very high levels of anxiety

Be it stress

Financial crisis

Family issues

Health issues

Up to

Life or death situations

And everything in between

When you are being challenged in ways you aren’t sure you’re even adept at

It’s when you can shine the most

It’s when something inside of you either grows or dies

It’s here where challenging the fight or flight response works best

It’s neither

We don’t live in that age

It’s mindfulness

It’s being completely aware (As much as possible at least)

And not letting the terror strike you down

Not letting the fear grasp onto you and take control

It’s finding a way to that inner peace

That we all carry inside

Not letting outside forces

Good or bad

Derail us from the calmness within

There can be joy

There can be music

Dancing

Laughing

Merriment

Peace doesn’t have to be somber

Inner peace is true freedom

Plain and simple

And true freedom doesn’t come with any walls

Not in your mind

Not in your heart

Not in your soul