Only God

Isn't it only God who holds the ultimate judgement

Who am I to impose rule and sentence to someone?

And why would I want to

Where would it end?

To who can I?

To whom must I?

On what basis?

Who's to judge that?

Exhausting

Isn't it?

Now do this

Every day

Every moment

With everyone you know and meet

That's hell

A special kind of hell; to me

I AM

I am allowed to be who I am

That's the glory of life

The glory of living

Is bringing my own originality to the game

Being true to myself

Knowing

I only mean the best for everyone

That I would never hurt anyone

Or anything

Needlessly

Foolishly

Or purposely

But let us humans forgive ourselves our fallibility

As long as we resolve and prove to be honest

From there on

But....

One of

 maybe my only truly great features

Is that I am always honest

Maybe I throw in more small talk and showmanship
 than I at that exact moment would like to

But that's it.....really

Never trying to hurt

Anyone

Not myself

Not someone else

Ever

No matter the circumstances

I haven't encountered the circumstances that could dictate me purposely to do so

And I hope I never do meet up with those

But I do realize that even those tiny inflagrances is unacceptable.

We must be completely honest

Always


_____

Although. Truth be told. I have seen those circumstances before. When I tried to commit suicide decades ago. The loss of hope. Was catastrophically horrendous and I can't do that again. Hope is my default now and some days it's the only thing keeping me sane.

Hearts be open

If you can manage life with equanimity

Without having to reference the contrast between compassion and selfishness

Then by all means

Go forth and be happy

For everyone else

Repeat after me

I know God

****

that's spirituality

Knowing God

And letting God help you navigate through life

Especially the bad parts

Religion

Is someone telling you

What your relationship with God should be like

I have my own internal compass to God; fortunately

I understand and accept what resonates with me from all parts of the world

All parts of existence

Of my experience

So I don't feel the need for religion

When I have spirit with me

Available always*

---------
*as does everyone in my religion. ;)

And no I'm not trying to start my own religion

That would be sheer hypocrisy

Wouldn't it?

But if even one heart opens one day

From something I said

Something I did

Something I was to them at that moment

Then that's a wonderful thing.

Gratitude makes it more tolerable

I don't know why the world is the way it is

Why we are forced to play pieces in this chessboard of good against evil

Of circumstance

Why it can be so unjust

Unyielding

And oppressive

I don't quite know why

All I know is that letting that oppression into our hearts kills us slowly

And gratitude goes a long way towards remediating that

It's a great start at least

What's worse?

Outright racism/sexism/classism/etc.

Or the killing me slowly kind

Sometimes I'm just not sure you have much of another choice

Covert

Overt

It all hurts

Don't it?

There's got to be another way.

Don't you think so too?

Note to self #3

You don't have to do anything

At this exact moment

Except relax

Breath

And take it all in

Notice it all

Then

And only when called to do so from your heart

Participate with kindness, forgiveness, compassion and love

When you falter

Seek forgiveness (not to your own detriment)

And try to repent; learn from it if you can

And then go back to the beginning

Bring back manners - not entitlement

When did manners go out of style?

Was it a turn away from the gender and racial divide?  That's kind of understandable.

But manners is only

Being mindful and respectful of another's point of view in life

Seeing things from their prospective and adjusting appropriately

We all want a litte adjustment from the world around us

A little nudge that says "I count".

Can I interest you in any?

How about

Instead of trying for barbarism and/or hedonism

We keep practicing love and/or acceptance

**********

Never let anyone make feel lesser than what you are*

Even yourself

Be mindful

To be compassionate to yourself

To be genuine

It has to start from within

************

*a part of God

Love your colon

When you can treat

Even shit

With reverence

Your life is made Golden

Political Conflict Resolution 101

Put 4-5 people

The leaders most centrally involved with the actual decisions that are being made unto their lives

And those making that decision

Just the absolute core few

Then strip them away of everything

Literally

Put them all in the exact same style robes and socks

And tell them to leave all their drama at the door

All their inner stories

Secretly in debt

Leave it at the door

In love with your friends significant other

Leave it at the door

Obsessed with your looks, success, money, power,

whatever it is

Any and all of it

leave it there; at the door

To be retrieved at the end of the meeting

Don't worry

It won't go anywhere

Now

Leaving you special interest at the door as well; don't let's forget

Which is the hardest things to let go off for some

Come in to the room with only two things;

Your ears

And your heart

And if it arises

As sometimes does

That it is your heart that wishes to speak

Then and only then open your mouth to "sing"

But what do I know?

I understand that there are some horrendous people in this world

That through whatever path they had in life

Whatever pains they themselves endured

They are now seeking and/or deliberating terrible vengeance

On innocent people

That evil should be channeled 

For the good of humanity

And if it can't then it should be dealt with

Are there higher forms of justice than even governments and/or warlords; or rather mere  (all be it sometimes substantially powerful) mortals can try and control

I like to think so 

who judges the judges?

Who makes sure their judgment is not privy to outside and/or self-advocating purposes; stays impartial and for the truly better good?

God obviously

But beyond that self

We all know what would be the most compassionate 

The most humane

The less selfish

the way of the divine

Deep down we all feel that

It's just that most people have closed themselves off to it

Some people almost completely 

They don't ever challenge their mind

Their heart has almost completely stopped whispering its soft song

But while you are alive 

While your heart beats 

And your waves function 

You can always find your way back 

To your true home

It's there

And most assuredly

Only there

That you will ever find

True security

True happiness

True love

I'm always ("still" trying to be) me

Sometimes I feel the need to apologize for who I am 

Or to be oh so thankful and obsequious to certain people because I am "allowed" to be in the place I am

It's fucking exhausting 

And that's just me

I am who I am

Who I was born to be

And that isn't coloring outside the lines much

I am a minority

In a white majority place

I am what some say a liberal 

In a conservative land

But I look fairly average 

And act within the confines of what is societally "permitted"

As a privilege and a right 

And yet I am grateful 

That I do have these rights

Even if some seek to disallow the privilege

Because there are those that do not even have the right to be who they are

When is society going to learn

That society is an oasis

But this oasis has a cesspool

And the more we can shine a light on that

And accept it

for what it is

The sooner we can get to a place where we truly function

Where life is truly happy 

For everyone

I suppose that must first start with one truly accepting oneself

And not apologizing for who one is

But embracing that person

Loving that person

Having deep compassion for that person

And then shining that light on everything else in life

And not needing to do anything beyond that

**********

Love leads you stupefyingly along

It just has a way of overtaking you

In the absolute most delightful way possible

And letting it is..... simply put; the most marvelous feeling in the world

It's hard to maintain that though 

Life isn't construed in our favor for it to come more naturally

It takes an effortless effort that is truly immeasurable 

There's a lot of ways to it though; meditation, pot, sex, being in love, endorphins, God, on and on. Find a healthy one for you and off you go. 

Politics in heinous

I can understand how the tolerant

Are intolerant to the "other" intolerents

But that just makes no sense

(To me)

Enlightenment in a few easy steps

See the truth behind the masks and charades

See God in everything and everyone

Do every action

And think every thought with love

transcend that

And you will be enlightened

Hide

sometimes I hide

Hide from the feelings that hurt

Dissappointment

Grief

Anger

Distress

Angst

Fear

Pain

Despair

I run from them

To things far more toxic

Than just sitting with them

Letting them be

Letting the emotions come

And wash over me like a giant wave

And then

Eventually

pass

Which they always

But no

I anxiously panic and set myself  into action

And these actions

These remedies

Are far more disastrous than the actual causes

If only I could just bare it

If only I could sit

In stillness

In acceptance

In patience

And quietly wait

For the rainbow

Gratitude

In my memory


We were young. Maybe too young to be left without proper adult supervision. Lol

It was Halloween

We were at the park acting goofy

And a friend pranks the operator through the pay phone

By yelling "happy Halloween " and hanging up.

So they hound me to do it

And I comply

And when I tell her and she can hear the kids laughing in the background

In the most sincere and kind way she thanks me

And makes it sound like she truly appreciated hearing that

And it made me stop a second and re-evaluate the situation.

I did hang up after an awkward pause

Probably only on my part

I guess what I took from it is how there's always room for genuine gratitude in the world.

Always

While I say that

I am not oblivious to the atrocities of the world

I believe our compassion and gratitude can provide real change

To everything going on in the world

If when you

Whoever you are

In whatever life you have

Are called to help

And can do so

Need to do so

Not to your own detriment

Unless of course that suits you

But hopefully it doesn't have to come to that ever

You never know though

Right

You gotta stand for something in life

May as well be your own happiness

And your happiness truly starts in the heart of "All".

In the heart of God

It all starts with......
Compassion and gratitude

We can master this whole enlightenment thing

I firmly believe so

But it starts in a place devoid of fear

End the ism's

While some may see life as a study in contrasts

Others see it as a study in symbiosis

Like the difference between seeing oil and water

Or seeing a vinaigrette

***********

There are some pretty cool "isms"

Like

Humanitarianism 

Heroine

It takes at least 7 instance of drinking alcohol to become a habit

Which gradually becomes a physiological and psychological addiction

It takes less than 7 days for a person to become a habit

Incurring also possible physiological and psychological addiction

These can be difficult addictions to cure

Some struggle with it for life

Some just replace it with another addiction/person

But

It only takes a single dose to get hooked for LIFE on drugs like

Heroine

Crack cocaine

Opium

Meth (for some)

So

If you want to play with fire ok.

Go ahead

But you've been warned.

Awkward

I'm an empath

I can't help it

This does however tend to have me close off to people

Purposely sometimes

To avoid their aura's

That's something I need to learn to manage

If I want to live an open life

Like I say I do

The issue is that

While my IQ is high

I have a delay in my head sometimes of hours

Before I can fully process something in order to develop a cohesive response

Just sometimes

And usually not even in the very sciency and what have you; complex things

And also sometimes people aren't making sense

They say one thing with their mouth

And another with their body

I've learned to favor the body

Which normally speaks the truth

As opposed to whatever individual percentage the mouth in question seems to have

But people can find their own stories quite convincing

Which makes the rue all the more perplexing

Making it a conundrum sometimes who to follow and respond to

Most people want to hear a response based upon.  Their word.

As if it were indeed gospel

So I find it hard sometimes to start there

Or anywhere

That there are lies

Deep dark places

I saw my 4 year old

She was sitting on her fathers lap

He was outstretched on the floor on his stomach

She sat backwards

And with her palm softy held half palmed

She was lightly tapping on his penis.

He was wearing soft basketball type shorts

The sight and thought bothered me

And I moved her hands away from him

Which then made her think she had done something wrong

Not on a conscience level

I didn't see any reaction from that at least

So now

Could I have done more harm than good?


*************

Once you've lived in a world of deep dark places

You can't unlive it

It marks you for life

That's why I try so desperately to live in the moment

Giving light and the benefit of the doubt

To everything and all things

And if not.

Not worrying about it too much

Don't get me wrong

I will always stand up for those oppressed

Those taken advantage of

Those without a voice of their own (literally and figuratively)

Always

But sometimes I still let the past seep in

Or the future (worries) in to play too

And that's always trouble

Or at least so it seems to be

And that's good enough for me

To try at least

To live in bliss this moment

This moment that I can

Minnesota Measles outbreak 2017 May

So there is an outbreak of measles

So far no deaths

A few hospitalizations unfortunately

But this is my stance to not have to take a vaccine

The CDC themselves admitted in a published study

That they later tried to hide

And got the scientist fired for leaking the truth

(Because there was nothing wrong with the research itself)

That boys given the mmr shot develop autism at a substantially

Greater rate then the rest of the population

Still favoring boys in general over girls though

So. This one size fits all vaccine

With no concern for size, physiological background, heredity

No conc en for the poisons it carries

Like mercury and phermaldehyde

No name just a few

Although the though of embryo parts comes to mind as quite disturbing to a lot others

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Maybe they do need the abortion clinics after all (disgusting thoughts)

But they are necessary none the less

Because we live in a world of inequality

We live in a world of have and have nots

A world where the shackles of parenthood are too vast and economically unviable to some

Not to mention for the obvious matters of rape, incest, and in some cases deadly and maybe not so deadly disorders.

We can't judge. If we are not there to help lift the burden of those most at need then we truly do not have a place to pass judgement. Isn't that God's job?

No harm

do no harm

That means to yourself too

Right

Eat the cleanest foods

Drink the purest water

And I don't mean all homogenized and sanitized for your protection. I mean it in purity terms

The cleanest air

The most divine thoughts

When you encumber your body and mind with filth and evil

What real choice are you given to thrive in life

What real choice at all

Once you have a choice

That choice should be to do no harm

Tackle everything with love

Blueprint

"Light up the world

Set it free

Love is the answer"*

We've had the answers all along

We've had the blueprint

It's just that each person changed the elevation to suit their own standard

And it's fine I suppose

If it genuinely stays true to the blueprint of you

The blueprint of your divine self

The blueprint of your love

Love her

I love success

But she acts like she comes at no other cost

And that simply doesn't appear to be so

Courtship

To me dating is a dance

A chance for me to see

Will you love me

Will you respect me

Will you listen to me

And not railroad me into being someone I'm not

Some vision of love you've perfected in your own head

Will you get me

The real me

That's who I am trying to be

Can you help me see myself

Can you help me be even more real?

But again. I don't mean corrected any flaws you might find I me

Simply holding a mirror up for me to see

Who I am

And I am going to see if during this time period

The desire to do this exact same thing for you stays, builds or wains

3 years of dating ought to do maybe. Lol

Greatest talent

I'm smart

Above average intelligence (if you want to go by a few tests)

Most would say pretty probably

Not gorgeous necessarily

Voluptuous

Sensual even sometimes

But what I feel is my greatest attribute

Is the ability to connect with other people

On a deeper level than the superficial nonsense

We all play through all day long

The thing is that

To be at that level of vulnerability

Involves a deep strength

That I haven't quite mastered yet full-time

So

A lot of that time I play along

With fun

And lightness

Or so is the aim

With melancholy and seriousness

When I can't quite get even there

Smirk

When I smirk when I've "gotten my way"

It isn't a smirk of "ha, ha", bragging, teasing, manipulation or what have you

It's a smirk of that "this feels right" juice flowing through me

If it came with a thank you

Accept that it was heart felt.

Because as a girl

A natural born nurturer

Know that I've given in 100 times more than this one (mild exaggeration with most people)

In ways you will never fully know.

So yea. Let me smirk sometimes.

Enjoy the Ride

Fuck it

We're going to lose anyway

Life was never promised to be perfect or eternal*


So why not fucking truly enjoy it

All of it

Make the most of it

If we're going to die

Live so even the Undertaker hates to see you go. Isn't that the saying?  Lol

Fate

fate is a beautiful angel with its arms spread wide

A beautiful flowing robe thin as air shrouding their entire body

And sometimes as fate arrives it tickles you with its gossamer wings

Other times you feel the soft touch of the robes caressing your skin

And yet others you run straight into their outstretched arm and cut off all the air at the jugular

Writhing in pain on the floo

Since its kind of a toss up

Why bother avoiding it

It'll come

It always does

Embrace it

Enjoy the ride


***********

Just do no harm

Follow your heart

so those stories you hear about people not getting on a plane

And saving their own lives

How do we juxtapose them against people that have too much anxiety and fear

And they're constantly in a state of stress

The answer was in the question itself i believe

Stress

The heart offers certainty

Fear does not

Fear is unsettling and abusive

The heart offers peace and solace

It comes with a strength

To pull you through anything

Anything

Your gut

is your gut really just your heart yelling at you

Don't know

Think so

Makes sense to me

Just communicating through your brain

Where you prefer to process information

Than through your heart

Where you should be processing it

Choice

There is no choice in the matter when we live by our hearts

The heart absolutely

Without a doubt whatsoever

Knows the right thing to do

The thing that will cause no harm

And the things that ring forth light and love into this world

No heart has to learn that

It is inherently there from the start

So we don't have to chose

It is only there to be followed

The beauty for the adrenaline junkies

Is that every moment is one anew

Full of its own endless possibilities

So the choices are always endless

As they are preordained by the Devine

But one can set the reset button at any time

And chose the battle anew

And the beauty for all of us prone to anxiety

Is that following your heart is never truly a battle

Because it feels so good to do it

It fills your heart with so much love

And lightness

That there is never any burden to carry

You just follow your heart

You just do what you can

And magic will follow you everywhere

The magic only living in the absolute and immediate present can provide

Let it be

I realize that God is a part of me

I am a part of God

However you want to look at that equation

I firmly believe I came from Heaven

and will go back there

And I've seen too much of evil

Not to mention haven visited it in a dream

To know there is also a Hell

So God is here. If we can establish that as the baseline

Then let me put forth

That he is as much of us as we chose to let be

Get Off of My Cloud

If you feel the need to pick me apart

Question my every move

My motive

My every word

Chastising me as you go

Then there is nothing further to say to you

Nothing that you seem to have understood

Conversely praise can cause the ego to inflate to proportions far too unwise

And is better left to simply instill compassion and acts of kindness

Epiphany

when I speak with like minded people

I do have moments of epiphany

Although at times not memorable ones

But when I talk to people who's views are juxtaposed to mine

I seem to learn not only about them

But about myself as well

This is why we should be able to

Without being uncivil

Or making/taking things personal

We should be able to discuss between each other

About ALL things

Is not discourse the greatest philosophical achievement possible

Love heals

I've done it

For myself

And not purposely or with that intention

For others

Sometimes it's as little as a look

A kindness

A word

A hug

A moment of love passed between people

And if you don't believe me

Recall for yourself

The last moment

You received a hug from someone offering nothing but love

And asking nothing in return

And feeling that power flow within you

The power of love

Wish that we lived in a world

Where those kind of hugs were easier to get than drugs

*******

Create the world you want to see???

Right???

Maybe I should be that kind of person that goes around hugging everyone

Could I go from this severe (almost debilitating*) social anxiety to that

Food for thought


************************

(*not in abnormal sense

No more so than others perhaps

Where I may be less bold in some aspects (like not joining protests)

Or going to some social gatherings

I may be more bold in others

It probably stops me from just as many things

I wish to do (at some point)

as not having enough money does

Nah

Probably not having enough money wins

Hands down

Of course this all said out of a form of being proactive to letigiousnous and combative people. Why I have to feel the need to explain myself to the point of stupidity is beyond me sometimes. Those that need it usually don't get it anyway.

Naked

i love being naked

If I could I would do it full time*

Why do we live in a society obsessed with clothing our bodies

And yet so sexually oppressed.

Why?

Who knows

But it's like I tell my daughters

It seems to be an unfortunate truth

That you can't go showing your ho-has (who-ha's)

Because some are too easily excitable

And then turn into those "mine...mine" birds in "Finding Nemo?"

What I also tell them is that unfortunately

There are even other people

That need no provocation at all

That's just their default state

And it doesn't matter sometimes if you let your guard down or not

They'll try and take it

So the best you can do

Is follow your heart

And don't drink too much or do harsh drugs

Because that's just asking for trouble

(Said for good reason)

*****

Covering as needed for comfort with blankets or robes

Snuggies all around

Nothing

We own absolutely nothing in this life

NOTHING

Except for one thing

for our own reactions

We don't own these humanoid cells

We walk around in

Except as they are given to us

Except for how well we treat them

And they are treated by the universe

But we alone

Have the power or our intentions

The power of our actions

Let those be positive

************

That's all I'm trying to say here.

Is there a light on anywhere?

*****

This reminds me of reoccurring a dream I have

Even now

Although I had it very much more often as a child

It was that I was in a house

Familiar usually

And it was dark

Sometimes coming or going out of a room

Sometimes not

And I go to turn on the light

And nothing

I try another light and noThing

And it is pitch dark

I can sometimes very marginally

See the shadows of objects

Not sure if from memory

Actually seeing it

Or it just being in my minds eyes

But not clear enough to keep the fear at bay

And I go into a panic mode

Trying to find light

And I don't have a clear expectation

Of evil

Or harm

Just this overwhelming sense of dread and fear

Suffocating me

Keeping me from thinking clearly

Speeding up my body

Burning my adrenals

The fear overtakes me completely

To worry, fear and anxiety

Thank you

For trying to protect me

For trying to play Devil's advocate

And open my eyes to other possibilities

I get it

I get all the angles of why you exist

Why I "need" you

The fight or flight thing

Animal traits

Ancestral necessities maybe

Who knows

It can be seen a million ways

My point is

I don't want you in my life right now

Yes you existed in the past

And you may exist in the future again

But I want the right now

The happening this second of reality moments of my life

To no longer be fueled by you

I don't want you ruling my world anymore

Running my life

So. From this point forward

If I call on you

Please come

But until that time comes

Until further notice

Please refrain from participating in the game

You're being side lined

You can watch

Or go do something else

I'll keep you on stand by if you so desire

But for now you're totally out

Go suit down

See if you can change that energy into something positive

Like zeal

Joie de vivre

If you can

If not just walk away

Now please

***************

To be repeated as needed until the need no longer exists

I'm hoping just this once. Lol

Because why not

Life holds many miracles

When you let it

More than you can even imagine

Evil

Evil is knowing your selfish behavior is causing another person injury and/or pain

And enjoying that aspect

If your selfish behavior is causing another person injury and/or pain

And you are oblivious

You are lacking compassion

And if it causes you yourself pain

You are too indulgent and obsessed with your own feelings

Which could also be said about the first character in this story

But you are also too hard on yourself

Which I suppose maybe they are not (?)

So the moral of the story is that we are ALL lacking compassion

For others

For ourselves

Truth Always

When you don't tell people the truth

You rob them of livng in their own authenticity

You rob them of the chance to truly participate

And maybe

Probably

Even make it better

There's always a win/win

Somewhere

Somehow

So lying

Is truly the  most loathsome

And selfish sin there is