Here's the problem

With me

I can't say for you or anyone else

*I love so much

I can see a good quality in everyone

absolutely everyone

has some humanity

buried deep, deep inside

and it's scary

sometimes

to think that

but we have to fight the fear
and the only way to do that is with love

*I get scared

just

like everyone else

but I fight it with all my heart

with God on my side

with faith

and an open heart

*I try

*but sometimes I fail

*and I don't mean to disappoint you

any of you

*I just have to be me

that's all I've ever wanted in life

when I say I want to be happy

That's what I mean

*Just let me be me**

but not everyone allows you that

you have to fight like heck to get it

and the fight is exhausting sometimes

exhausting enough to get up and leave

but that's not what I want

I want to stay

here

with you

now

I just can't tell you for sure

that a bit away from now

it won't be someone else

somewhere else

It's not promiscuity

It's that I'm not your property

It's that I need to be enticed***

Just like you need to be loved

I need to feel it

every day is possible

even if it's only in the teeny tiniest of ways

isn't that what you want from me


*don't mind these (private message)

**I trust you
You know whats good for me sometimes too
but trust that if I say I'm ok
I'm okay
and I'll trust that when you say enough
I'll listen
mostly
because hey
I'm not trying to be difficult

***and I'm so easily enticed by a good time.  Good thing I'm not high maintenance and that almost everything (except illegal or rather immoral things) can be a good time to me.