I used to believe

I used to dream
I used to want
One love
not perfect
by an means
but perfect for me
who understood me
on a level too deep for words
and loved me
truly unconditionally
and with their entire body/mind/soul
I was obsessed with it as a teen
and still into my 20's
and probably still until recently
secretly longed for it

but now
I don't know anymore
I simply don't know

I think I don't want to put that kind of pressure on myself
or anyone else
I just want to live my life
moment by moment
still by still
with love in my heart for everyone
I meet
and not just some
one person
because while I haven't necessarily given up hope
or the belief that it's possible (better said)
I'm not staking my whole life on it
my entire happiness
like maybe I had been at some point
I'm just going back to

If it comes, let it come
if it goes, let it go
while
being bound to no one
responsible for no ones happiness but my own
while also not being out to hurt anyone
intentionally
just being free
to be me
when I want to be
which is always
always works for me
and until I can find someone to be me always with
someone to love, cherish, ravish and accept me in all my sometimes not always so beautiful
but utterly honest glory
then I'm not interested in being any part of a we