Reality

The reality I have told you is indeed reality. That it may at times directly contradict the reality I may have told someone else, or have told you previously, or even discuss in the future does not negate that fact. Because reality is what is at present to be true. It isn't what could have been so, that I was hoping was going to be so then and now I am hoping isn't so. In other words.....

What I said when I said it I meant then AND what I say now I absolutely mean now, even if those two are complete polar opposites...this is so. It can be true. It is true. Inside me, inside everyone are constant contradictions, complete polarities in our personalities, ideals, moral structures. Every one has many different facets of themselves. Of course I'm primarily referring to feelings, ideals, thoughts, etc., not actual events. Even though everyone usually has their own unique take on events, and even though they don't stay static over time, events still usually retain the some basic semblance of themselves.

I may be giving myself too much credit here, but I really do honestly feel that 99.99% of the time I tell the truth. That I am prone to omission and mild exaggeration at times is out of preservation or to spare feelings, to retain some discretion or mystery. Because truly, not everything needs to be revealed in it's exactitude on every occasion. In fact, I firmly believe that most things are better left for others to come to their own conclusion about, to surmise for themselves. Like in that phrase - don't bother explaining; your friends don't need it, your enemies won't believe it (and it may even be used against you by either at some point..lol).

I know that stability and being able to count on someone being about the same in temperament and attitude and the such is easier to deal with. And I suppose not too many of us like to be around overly moody, volatile people. But it is these exact people that add spice to life, rock the boat, keep us on our toes, reinforce what we believe and who we are to ourselves. Some of our greatest artists, leaders and visionaries have been just this such kind of people. Even though I do not put myself into this class of people, I have come with time to give myself the liberty of being exactly who I am, even if it offends or shocks. Even if it contradicts who I was yesterday. Truth be told, I know I don't get that carried away with it. In fact I stay pretty much the same, pretty mellow, pretty self contained, bordering on boring. But I am happy and pretty much at peace with myself. So if I contradict myself, or who you think myself is....I'm sorry. I sometimes still manage to amaze and shock myself. Even at this ripe age I'm still learning about me. It's not the end of my journey and I still have a lot of different facets to live out. That's exciting and scary and overwhelming and makes it fun. Let's wait and see what I have to offer myself. I'm present and here for the ride. ;-)

Instant Karma

I've always had a strong sense of right and wrong. I think perhaps it stems from being caught trying to get away with things as a child. I can't recall a single instance where I "got over" on my parents. But I can recall the sometimes severe punishments to my infractions. Maybe being hit has a way of searing it into your brain better. I can't say. I do know that this strong sense of right and wrong is almost always unshakably black and white about everything. And I can tell you that karma has an easy time of it with me. Is it a self fulfilling prophesy? I really hope not. But I've never been able to escape it.

As a teenager and young adult when I would lie, the lie would come true. If I said I was sick and wasn't, I would then, indeed, fall sick. It seems petty and even funny, but when instances like these happen over and over in every kind of scenario you can imagine, you clearly see the pattern. The pattern is karma, and I've seen it also play out in my child. When she does something mean spirited, a consequence almost always immediately befalls her. This started at an age far too young for her to even grasp the concept of karma, yet there it was manifesting itself every single time.

My other child is much more like their father. Their karma isn't instant. They both also have an uncanny knack for lying without anyone but themselves knowing the full truth. Does it stem from this lack of instant karma? Maybe? Since they see no ill befall their bad behavior, it possibly reinforced that they could get away with it.

I don't believe they fully escape karma, though. Maybe it simply manifests differently, over longer periods, making it seem completely random. That's what I like to believe, but I really can't say, because my karma so obviously reports itself immediately. I can only account for my own reality and experiences. It's interesting though as a concept to know how different it is for everyone. How vastly different each person's experiences with right and wrong may be.