Friend:
its the same story as always has been and will always remain the same. the things that used to make happy no longer have the same impact so you emptily chase them trying to hold on to some form of joy that used exist inside of you...but its not the same anymore as you look around and see how utterly transparent the corruption and manipulation is how pathetic this little bubble weve been allowed to live in. i feel like my life is basically hanging by this precarious little thread. no assets, no retirement, granny aint handing me her extra house in her will. no security. all we are is slaves for the ultra rich. all the big "Murrican" talk of bootsraps and hard work and all that shit is nothing but a sales pitch. our options are limited, not endless. sure you can study and work and hustle for half or most of your life and maybe end up rich or with a good job. maybe. but that aint no fucking dream of mine and sure as hell isnt no blessing that life is supposed to be. pretty sorry blessing if you ask me. so you go to bars and smoke pot and eat xanax and go to the gym to try and feel good. but it doesnt work. so you become emptier and meaner until you forget how you ever laughed...and then you go get banned from bars ...and after you've been sucked dry by the machine, you realize just how easy it is to end up living under the freeway. or you can pretend this isnt all a giant pile of shit and life is great. puke.
Me:
Life is shitty. It definitely can be. And anyone can catch some unlucky breaks. For sure.
But I do believe happiness and peace is attainable if you look within yourself to find it. Not depend on any outside factors for it. You can't go chasing happiness. Sooner or later it simply won't be able to be caught. Like you're seeing for yourself. You have to foster happiness deep within yourself. If for no other reason then to live whatever time we are given to live here on earth as centered and at peace with ourselves and through these two things inevitably as happy as we can. As content as possible. It's not exactly fireworks and cocaine. But everything outside of yourself means nothing if you can't find happiness and peace within yourself first.
So. Nurture that. Whatever you have to do to be happy being "You". To live in complete acceptance of yourself. Faults and strengths. That's what you have to look at.
And that's the toughest battle of them all. But it's the only path you have left really.
I could be utterly naive. It's possible, maybe even probable. My life is a constant lesson in humility. I'm not sure anymore about much. So I stick with what I know now to be true. It helps me and I hope it helps others. I do feel if one allows themselves to be at peace and happy; then one exemplifies a belief system stronger than any allegory can provide and it gives people the courage and permission to aim for that as well.
