I keep learning my lesson

in humility

Over and over

Just when I think I know something

I have really got it

It all comes down flat in front of my face

And I get kicked to the curb by my own ego and issues

And I also get so tired of playing these games

It doesn't have to be this way

It can all be divine. Can't it?

I've seen it before.

For small persiods of time

In yoga

While meditating

Definitely while doing drugs

Sex

Looking into the eyes of a baby, young child or deeply loved one.

But life seems to get hard sometimes

So here is where existential me must prove what I believe

Do I believe it

Do I believe my own role

The role I am trying to play

That in my believing that it can come easy

Truly giving myself to that belief

Will really make it so

I don't know

Right now that seems unbelievable lol

So I'm a bit selfish maybe

I live in my own world

Maybe people take it the wrong way

But I don't mean to be exclusionary 

I'm just happy in my own head

And once you cross my path 

I'm happy to entertain you

So long as you don't alter my inner state

If you do I will feel compelled to go back to my inner state as soon as possible

Which will make entertaining you further torturous

I can do it though

And be honest and genuine

But at some point it will physically hurt to do so

Because I won't be enjoying it
If you are making it difficult for me
But

If you bring happiness 

If you bring your shining light
If you bring your heart

Then I will gladly give you my time

Gladly share with you my space 

As long as I have time to give 

You're just competing with way too many things right now though 

I'm sorry

It's the bane of modern existence

All the conveniences a person can possibly dream of and so little time to really enjoy it all. Pushed, and pushing ourselves to extremes. To survive. To get the things we tell ourselves must be done done. To make the most out of living. 

I stand with the belief that it takes so much less for us to be happy than we think it does and means so much more. And I feel I can at least live that for myself in my deepest innermost soul (since I can't seem to find it much elsewhere). Maybe it would be easier if we all just be quiet more often and slowed the fuck down sometimes.  I really don't get all the fucking blather and riga-ma-role. It's exhausting. It's useless. It ads to the drama of life no real substance. At least not that much as far as I can gather.