God....I can be such a bitch.

Last night

A girlfriend and I went dancing.

It was so much fun.

We closed the place down

And I danced more than I have in at least a decade

(What can I say...im old. Lol)

It was great

I got drunk

(Which I hate doing

But does help me dance with abandon

So I made an exception)

It was all great and fun

Until I woke up and remembered

My moment of cruelty

As we were leaving and waiting for our ride

A black man stood on the corner with headphones on

Yelling in anger

About God knows what

And I just wasn't in the mood

He was directing it towards me (it seemed)

But not about me (I felt)

But I still just didn't want any part of it

So I said as loudly and strongly as I could

Which is not all that loud really

"I don't care"

And walked behind him and away

He spoke after me saying

"I don't care either"

And that was that

I can't begin to imagine life as a black man

Especially in this white-topia

But I do know what it is to hurt

To have life knock you down so hard you can't even imagine going on

To have all your dreams crushed

Your hope gone

Women express that typically in depression and men more so in wrath

But it is the same monster

The same desperation.

I know it well

It has been my bedfellow (before)

But I just wasn't in the mood

Had he come to me

Talked

Asked

Openly

I would have given him money

A hug

A bit of my time and attention

Why not?

Are we not here to share in the experience of this all

The glory and the pain

But when you come at me with hatred

Anger

Fear

There is no gateway to you there

And I refuse to even try

Perhaps that is my own issue at hand

And I chose to walk away

Forgive me God

For I was a bitch last night.

Gratitude & Humility

The things that makes it clearly understood

If someone is using/being used

Or not