Thank You Universe

So much happens in my tiny little universe

How do people even step outside of it?

Sometimes I’m so engulfed

And sometimes as the universe likes to point out

I’m also too stubborn

Sometimes I just don’t get it

And so it steps in and makes things clear

And sometimes that is a long haul trek

That it finally takes me to get there

Lol

I’m so lucky that the lessons have all been affordable

And sometimes, quite often, quite fun

Thanks Universe

For the love

Finite Energy & Time

We all have a limit

When the timer runs out

No one escapes that

Right?

So if I give people my time and energy

It’s because on some level I want to or need to

Hopefully less of the latter and more of the former 

In an ideal world only the former

But who are we kidding?  Lol

So when I choose of my own accord to give myself to someone 

And by myself I mean in any realm:

My time, energy, thoughts, heart, body

When it is my choice to give it

I want it to be appreciated 

And I am learning

Or trying to learn

To not be cruel about it when it isn’t appreciated. 

Because like right now for example 

I have a girlfriend I adore

And she has her own shit going on

I’m pretty sure she’s a not so closeted manic depressant 

But I adore her and want to hang out with her

But what do I do

Stalk her?

So I reach out and reach out

And she snubs me

And I want to be like

“Alright bitch I ain’t fucking with you anymore”

Which would be the exact stance I would take if she were my man

And he pulled this crap

But she’s my friend 

And I have an unending loyalty to all my friends and loves

Because 

Once I love you 

I never

Ever

EVER

stop loving you

And so I know that this would be cruel to say

Because while I would mean it right in the moment

I truly wouldn’t mean it long term

Yes I have distanced myself from people out of self-preservation 

And been forced to miss them for my own good

But even then

That doesn’t mean I don’t still love them

I’m coming to accept that I’m going to surrender to life now 

I’m going to try and not be cruel out of a reaction to pain anymore

And I’m going to accept that I can’t orchestrate life entirely 

And I will accept the love given to me

And appreciate that

Instead of chasing it down

Because 

In my finite universe 

There just isn’t enough space 

For trying that hard anymore 

That just isn’t fun

It’s way too much energy

And frankly...

Who needs that?