Psychoanalyze this (middle finger emoticon)

I am so raw right now

My emotions are on such high alert

The current flux in my life

And all that brings with it has me in a bit of a tailspin

Sometimes about to cry

Sometimes laughing hysterically

Some call if bi-polar*

But I call it living

Life comes at you in waves

Sometimes they are easy and you are floating in peace

Other times choppy and you are struggling to maintain your footing

Sometimes life is the bipolar one

And we are just struggling to get by

Or riding that high

So what?

Just so fucking what?

Label it and give it a bad rating and make people feel like shit

For just being who they are

Yea that makes so much fucking sense

Just let people be

Why is that so God damn hard for everyone

Schools, churches, governments, family, friends, lovers

Let me

Let everyone

Just be!!!

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*i am not a danger to myself or others. Let’s not kid ourselves. I know exactly what it is to be of sound body and mind.

I’d just like a little breathing room from the peanut gallery please.

Staying out of trouble

I am lazy

Soooo lazy

And I don’t like having to rummage through my brain

When asked about situations to see what option I chose

And I just prefer to stick with one thing

It’s just easier to stick with one default

One I am comfortable with 

And suits my general mood

And that default is kindness

For starters it’s more pleasant

For all parties concerned 

Including myself

And I can almost always be assured my reasoning 

When questioned will uphold itself well

Because it wasn’t based on ego or selfishness

Now this doesn’t mean I didn’t gain from the situation 

Or come out ahead 

It usually does but not always 

All it really does

Is provide me with constant ease

Ease to know how to behave

Ease to know what to do

Ease to know I did the best I was capable of

Am I kind 100% of the time with everyone. 

Absolutely not

But the vast majority of the time with the vast majority of people

And if I am not I can always tell you exactly why I wasn’t 

But again... it’s so rare that’s its negligible 

Because I default to kindness 

(Or indifference at worst 

Which isn’t exactly great or what I’m aiming for

But is a good neutral stopping point I suppose 

Especially if due to whatever factors I just can’t seem to hit the mark)

So yea. Kindness keeps me out of trouble

Requires no mental gymnastics to try to navigate around 

And is a simpler and easier way to live 

Why wouldn’t everyone lead with that?

I don’t always understand that point

I guess in this “me first” society we’ve created here 

The thought of kindness is equated to weakness

And gullibility 

But it actually takes great strength sometimes to be kind 

Especially to those that appear the least deserving. 

That’s when it has at times been the greatest reward of all

Knowing I overcame great odds to do the right thing

Regardless of how I was treated

Makes me proud, gives me peace and keeps me for the most part pretty happy

And those are priceless commodities 

Well worth any sacrifices I have to make

Any internal struggles I have to fight

To achieve it

And it just keeps me out of trouble. 

Win/Win