I'm not the cheese

I love Ellie Goulding's song "burn".  It feels like the "this little light of mine" song of this generation. But unlike the latter, the former seems to have an angered tone to it. I just hope people don't knowingly, unknowingly, subversively (or whichever way it can be) become prey to that. I've met so many lovely, brave people walking this earth. I refuse to believe I stand alone. 

Let's all let it burn!  Let our lights burn!  

I love computers

I wish I was a nerd

I love computers. Always have. You know why I love computers?  Because it's even playing ground. No matter your age, race, sex, income, computers treat you the same. Definitely, absolutely not the Internet, but the rest of the computer does, for now at least. It doesn't slow down the mouse for your youngest daughter when she's using it, not without being asked specifically to do so, through a tab or screen control, which no person outside of who you specifically want to can control it. I wish they weren't trying so hard to make computers smart. What do we need that for?  Has any of it added to our quality of life?  No!!!!

  Look at society. We're falling apart. Look. Closely. Doesn't everywhere you go seem to be full of stresses?  What if we don't buy into that anymore?  What if we stop trying to live the story we've been given and instead just LIVE. Go with the flow. Hasn't life always been so much more enjoyable when you've been "in the zone" of life. In the zone of living? * 

I know. That sounds scary. We've been living in the hot zone for so long we can't even remember what it's like to not live this way. To not live always weary, always scared.  Don't we have to keep living this "for our own protection"?  That's been the biggest fallacy there is!  If it weren't for a couple books we wouldn't know what this is?  We would just be living it. We would just be going moment by moment. But we have books telling us how we should do it. How it should go. Almost every single thing I've heard Jesus say, or read from other religious books basically seem to say the exact same thing; they say to love, to treat others as we want to be treated, to live by example, to not judge.  It doesn't say separate yourselves, build walls, create diversions, go to war, kill each other, destroy the planet. Or did I misread something. We aren't meant to fight this battle. It is not our place to wage the war. It does not satisfy our soul. It does not make us truly happy. And yes. That can be scary to think of. To try and shift so far from the paradigm that's been set for you. That has been all you know. Scary!!!

 Even going back to my very own ideas of good/bad just being two parts to one equal energy. And that there could never be a majority hold in either; both being completely equal.  So this would in my opinion just mean that it would consolidate power (into fewer and fewer people).  In other words if we stop pursuing this idea of right and wrong and stop trying to police the world, then someone would still be the owners of this fight/power. Somewhere out there Good and evil would still be fighting "The Great Fight". But if we as humans were left to be but mere animals again, allowed to enjoy our lives as we see fit, then only God and the devil themselves would be left to handle it. And why should it not be so?  Why must we be pawns in the game of the "All Mighty"?  

So yea. That's why I love computers.



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*by this I mean in your utmost truth. With your heart on your sleeve, vulnerable, exposed in the absolute moment of pure truth.

Digressing from above: There are more female in the world then men. You do not have to swing your dicks in the air trying to get the girls. You have nothing to prove to no one. I'm not really sure I believe in monogamy and I most definitely do not believe in heterosexuality/homosexuality. I believe humans love whom we love when we want to love them.   Not for a set amount of time, not for a set amount of feelings. Our lives are fluid, like water; not meant to be bottled up (pun intended) but to roar like wildfire down a million and one waterfalls (if we so chose).  But this does not mean that you don't have very special people with whom to share your life with, a lifetime even. If anything it means just the opposite. It means that the relationships you do have are very, very meaningful and honest and true. 

Take back the night!

Love and light - common. Not so common - love and night. 

When did doing things after dark get scary?  

I remember when I was growing up it was just beaches and parks (as far as public spaces) that were closed after sunset. Why? Maybe some could say resources. But why?  So cities could save money on patrolling them?  Maybe because dumb-asses did stupid things in them after dark? 

What we need to do is to take back the night. Do people of Barrows, Alaska not leave their house for over 65 days?  Or do they just arbitrarily decide when public spaces close? 

Why in some cities have they made it so that if you are merely walking down the street after dark, you are suspected of loitering unless you have a dog tethered to you and that you should be prepared to be stopped by the police in said case?  Merely for walking in non-daytime hours?  Do only bad people come outside after dark?  It shouldn't be that way, just like the LGBT shouldn't be able to confiscate the rainbow symbol. If it's true then we (not the police) need to take back the night and not by forming neighborhood watches but by actually using the streets at night. By actually enjoying our world in all its periods. Maybe that was the best statement William Pharrell could have made with his 24 hours of recording of the "happy" song. I'm not saying that was his intention. Though perhaps that could be extrapolated. That it is our world, our streets, we can be happy (not afraid) in them. The government shouldn't have the right to tell us when and where to use our public spaces, (and most especially not our private ones, accepting that we are following the "harm principal: the only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others- not including consensual harm between adults, and purposeful harm to oneself, of course).  Their job is just to be there when and if we need them to be there, not before that time, ensuring we are all coloring between the lines.

 Plus. If I do some dumbass stuff; like drink a fifth of vodka and try and swim across a river then I shouldn't need the police to rescue me, or my family to sue said police for not rescuing me, I should accept that I was a dumbass. Maybe, if there is some kind stranger there, or a loving friend I get talked out of it or helped when I am in need? Maybe..... but it seems to me what we need more of in this world is holding hands and less shackling them. 

I don't know.  That's my take on the situation.  So many topsy turvy things in our world that to address each and every single one would take more lifetimes than I have. M

Stop believing in time.

Think of time as just a marker. A tool, an awareness that a thing is going to happen. Something that you foresee happening, because you knew that timer was going to go off (for example).

 If you stop believing in time then there is no past and no future. Nothing to be concerned about. We'd live once again like animals. Not in the sense that we are "stupid" or apes (al be it they are highly intelligent animals which is why they are always using them as testing for us, as well as mice). But like all animals; that each seem to have their own miraculous qualities, think of translucent blue blood (like in those stingrays(?))that have such a close structure as ours that they use their blood to test vaccines and other chemicals. Limbs that just grow back, animals that can find their way home a continent away (slight exaggeration?). These animals have no sense of time but they have qualities I would clearly envy (and love to posses), shooting quills into my opponents, being able to have him carry the babies (mwahahahahahaha), beheading our mate the minute after conception (praying mantis?) [maybe only couples that have been married over 20 years get this though] and grant me that this is from a girls prospective. Yes these stand out to me. Forgive me for being a female. That's just what it seems it takes to be perceived as an equal. It takes apologizing for it. Why do you think women in high positions of any field, science, politics, engineering get so sick and tired of it. Imagine having to apologize to everyone everywhere for everything; well at least this one thing (being so smart) and imagine how much harder the pretty ones have to apologize [not only are they gorgeous, they are smart, they're getting it from all sides - women to, or most especially them, I'm sure]. Wow. That was a wide veering.

 These animals don't know of time. You can explain it to some degree (the timer on the cake way), but not on the fundamental level we take it to, they just can't, or at least I hope to God they never do. Because that is what makes us miserable. It's this constant thinking of something that isn't currently happening, while the world (life) IS happening. It's like how you shouldn't text and drive. Why? Because you can only have so many things happening simultaneously and then you are overwhelmed to the point of making mistakes. Mistakes there are no coming back from (up to and including a lot of times.... death). So there are people telling you not to, ads, non-profit "things to know" type commercials, and laws all advising you to pay attention. Pay attention to one thing and one thing alone......driving. Not because your incapable, but because at some point and time you could be and that will be the time you might very well most regret in your entire life. So your only job is to do that one thing, because it is a very serious thing, because it wields a lot of power. And it takes practice in humility (as in humbleness) to wield power correctly.

 Very few of us are a Joan of Arc right out the gate? Which don't we wish we all were? I mean come on? I don't care what they say about that chick. She was fucking cool! She managed to do that, and maybe she talked to herself....wow- so fucking what, she saw images? Aren't those images what led her to be who she was? These things don't happen mutually and exclusively, separately apart most times. They are because she was who she was she was able to do all she did. Don't listen to the propaganda and it's all propaganda. Point is!!!!!!

If you stopped believing in time no one would have any control over you ever. EVER. And isn't that what we want? Ultimately we want to live how we want to live, leave when we want to leave, go where we want to go, see who we want to see, dance when/where we want to dance, sing what/where we want to sing, love who and when we want to love, and be truly, deeply happy. We are fooled to believe that we don't want this. That it's bad to want this. It's not that it's bad to want this. That is absolutely not true. If we lead with humility (with our hearts) we would lead the right way. And how we get there is by being AWARE of the entire situation (of what's going on around us in life- as much as possible, as much as we can know, which when you listen to your heart and gut you'll realize is actually a lot more than you think and probably all you need to know) to make the right choice. And the only way to be fully and completely aware of the situation is to pay complete attention to it. Not let any (think past/present things) distract you from it. Then you will always make the right choice because you will be leading with your heart, you will always be fully in the present. Fully doing what you are doing right this moment, which is living. You just need to be silent and still sometimes to hear your heart speaking. When your mind isn't chatter boxing with what it should have done or needs to do or is trying to do. When your mind is just focused on what is it doing instead of a story of what it's doing then it is one with it all. Then it is truly happy. Then it is in line with love. Then it is no longer afraid, then it is doing the right thing, then it is at peace. When you are just doing life at the exact moment it happens. Living each breath to its fullest. Then. You are truly free

Feminist who hates modern feminism

I'm a feminist. I am. I believe in my heart that women are equal (if not superior in some aspects, as men are to us). But this hear me roar b.s. is too much for me sometimes. Women beating on their chest screaming let us be equal just seems absurd to me. And being hardened and angry and treating men as they treat us isn't the right way to go about it. I think we have to first acknowledge our equality within ourselves and when we see a wrong against said equality we need to stand up for it. That's it. Not in a harsh, violent way. In the way of a women. With grace and love. With the skills of understanding and empathy that come so natural. We must shine with the power of our love and life. The life that we carry, (not that it was by our choosing mind you) but that we women so deeply understand because of it. We are equal and yet vastly different and still on so many levels exactly the same. That is all it is. And we don't have anything to prove and no reason to prove it. To anyone. Ever. And all this anger and bitterness does is drive people away and take away from our real goal. Doesn't it? How can you lead a happy and deeply peaceful life enshrouded in anger and bitterness, ready at the first sign of injury to leap into a death match?

Differently yet exactly the same. Men have innate qualities which can be used to find their way chivalrously through life, not just towards women but towards all. Men also have an innate sense of understanding and compassion, I've seen it manifest more times than I can say by strangers and loved ones alike. Men also have an ability to see things through regardless of cost, in a tunnel vision, clear every obstacle in the way mentality that women (due probably to the child rearing, multi-tasking mode don't seem to have too much of). This can be a really great thing, that can move mountains (literally) IF the journey they are on is a truly worthy one. Unfortunately men so often feel the need to be loyal, which is a grand virtue when used judiciously, but they seem to honor loyalty even when they know what they are following is wrong. Which is probably why the grand portion of whistle blowers are women. Women tend to see the greater picture and they also (I believe) don't feed into that deep sense of loyalty of an imposed code; maybe partly from not being a man, maybe mostly from feeling excluded from it at every turn. Who knows? Either way. For whatever reason. That's how it seems to be. So. If we all stopped the charades, followed our hearts, used our innate, wonderfully individual talents and virtues towards good (the good we know in our hearts to be true) then what problem could not be solved? Prejudice, misogyny, most, if not all horrors of the world.

The thing I think we have to accept is that society, government, religion and even family/friends have imposed these laws and norms that we as humans, with free will, surrounded by temptation and opportunities at every turn can't seem to obey. And honestly it's so difficult to keep all the balls in the air, all the standards in place, all the different faces in play. It's so much easier to just let it all go, let it all out, follow our hearts. Turn off the voices in our heads and follow what we know is right. That's one thing. One simple thing to do. And I truly in my heart believe that is all we really need to do. That simple thing may just be able to right every wrong. Maybe? Isn't it worth a shot?

Our place

Yes. You look at the world now and how it seems to get worse always and all ways. But. You can look at it two ways. Energy. Life is energy. Everything is energy. Proven fact. Right. Good and evil are energies. They are equal and opposing. Which means that no matter how we look at it or want to change it. There will be good and bad in the world. No matter what we do. When we are gone the world will still regulate itself this way because that is where we are. In other words, on this planet, in this life for whatever reason it is; which believe me I wish I knew, we are stuck between heaven and hell. Figuratively or not that is what is happening. So...our choice is which one do we want? What do we want to follow in our own hearts? Each and every one of us must decide for ourselves. And regardless of what we decide the world will remain in balance, for every death a birth, for every closing an opening. Now here and then one day gone. And so it is. So. Why not make the most of it? Not worry so much about what we can and can't change and make the absolute best of it. Being the best version of ourselves we can muster at any given time. Just the best. Not perfection. Not someone else's ideal. Just our own natural best. That will at least make this life palatable, no matter what war is being waged around us.