When in doubt

Open up your heart

And lead with kindness

It’s hard

It’s the hardest easy thing you will ever do

Because the bounty coming back to you

Is limitless and beautiful

The experience of life

Through the filter of love

Is absolutely fucking magical

Grace

There is this definition of grace (as per Mama Google main page no link - Dictionary feature)

(Noun): the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.

Someone recently called me full of Grace

If they meant it this way

Which I’m sure they hadn’t 

But in the other way

(Which was a very lovely compliment, which made me so happy).

If they had meant it this way

That would have been the greatest honor of all

You’ve won

when YOU have the key

to how YOU

can maintain YOURSELF

in a  place of gratitude (, grace*) and humility

no matter what the circumstances are

you’ve won at the game of life.

You’ve mastered it.

Take a fucking bow!!!


*the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.

Whatever it is

Find a ways to enjoy it

If you could see just how much God is of you

Loves you

Is such a huge part of you

Your soul

If you could see how truly miraculously beautiful that was

You wouldn’t bother with all the trivialities

You would be able to see past the pain

You’re own pain

At the beauty and pain in other souls

 that surrounds you

We are but social creatures

We need each other

And yet abuse each other so

I don’t understand it

I do on a psychology level

But I don’t in an intrinsic level of pure love

There it all gets lost to me

I sometimes can’t fathom how we got to be this way

Why we never rise above it

In this lifetime, this reality or yet another perhaps?

How many realities do you subscribe to?

We all have many many layers

I’m many layers

So yes. I look this way

And behave this way

And demand these things

Which aren’t really demands

More like requests

I just want to play nicely together

Let’s play

This may be the only chance I ever get to meet you

In this life

And I want it to be fun

For both of us

********

I can see all sides

It makes life more complicated 

But I wouldn’t have it any other way

*********

I am still fat Macy under here

I still love french fries

(Should the F be capitalized in French; seems disrespectful almost not to)

I’m still lazy Macy

Where I crave sleeping in like If I was still a teenager

I’ve been and experienced so many facets

That I find them all equally ridiculous and funny

All of them

The only one I find even remotely worth taking note of

Is love 

And pain

Which seems to kind of just naturally go hand in hand

At least in the reality we all practice now

Holiday loneliness

quite obviously

No matter who we surround ourselves with

Or what social activities we do

We each travel this life journey on our own

And this can make us feel a void at times

Which as I’ve stated a few times

Is a void that needs to be filled with a connection to our higher self

A connection to the oneness of all

But the holidays bring an added factor of this sense of inherent intimacy

Which can lead one to feel they are missing out and devoid

If not satiated

I understand that all too well this holiday season

So I am embracing all things love

Embracing all things that make me feel alive

That make me rejoice

And allowing myself compassion for the times I feel sad and alone

Without a significant other to share the beauty of the season

Meme

read a great meme

It said

“She did not nee d to be saved;

She needed to be found and appreciated for who that is”

And this is home to me

A grand slam home run (if need be)

I offer this to any victim that wants it

Male, female or whatever

And also offer up that it all starts with oneself

Not until you can find love and appreciation

For what is there

Can you find the way of making it truly better

Be kind

please take it easy on me

I am of strong sentiment

And yes I know you are too

Please forgive me

For sometimes I forget that

Hop on the train

you've been walking

Trudging along

This cold and desolate road

With all this baggage

All this pain

And it’s been so hard

Hasn’t it?

But.....

It doesn’t have to be

Right along side of you

Is a train

And not only does it have everything you need

So that you can leave your luggage behind

But it goes everywhere you could possibly wan to go

Only easier

And faster

And cirtually no effort on your part at all

You just have to decide where you want to go

And let the train take care of all the rest

———

Metaphor for letting divine life, your heart, your soul take over your burdens

Just letting them all go

Once and for all

And hopping onto the cosmic wave of God’s true love

Not the rules

Not the customs

Not the dogma

Just the all encompassing pure Devine love and acceptance

That’s all folks

*****

Be true to yourself

Be unwaveringly honest always

And live moment to moment

With clear understanding of the past

And a clear direction of what the future would look like In an ideal world

Create that peace for yourself now

Right here

No mater what that looks like in reality

Your happiness

Your soul

Depend on this

Relationship reality

Whatever you are being offered

Is exactly what that person is willing and able to offer

Could they offer more in other circumstances

Have they offered more before

Did they promise to offer more?

All irrelevant

They are offering what they are offering

Listen to how their actions resonate in your heart

If it isn’t enough

Stop torturing yourself and them

And go away

Still struggle

I still struggle sometimes with the paradox between

Letting fate play its role

And setting things in motion For myself

In this specific instance I am referring to dating.

*****

I’m on tinder.

Putting myself out there

Subjecting myself to unwanted judgement

And people with nefarious motives

With the hope that by putting myself out there

I increase the chances of finding what I’m looking for

But does it work that way?

Or does fate intervene when it decides it is the right time

Place

Person

To bring what I need

When I need it

Regardless of my pursuits

I don’t know.

I really don’t know.

Mortal

I never felt my mortality

Until I had kids

And at that moment

I cared so much about my life

Because I cared so much about this little ones life

And I didn’t want to miss any of it

I didn’t want to miss a single drop of them

And my life all of a sudden

Had this new depth

Felt much more meaningful

All because of a life born from it

Love me

I am

At this time

The best possible version of me

This is it

Because of circumstances

Some out of my control

I am here now

Exactly like this

And that is ok

It’s more than ok

It’s great

This is how God made me

God knows all

So that can only be so

That can only be that God allowed it so

But that doesn’t mean I am the best me I will ever be

Or ever was

For whatever it means

This is where I am

So I’m going to love myself

Because I’m all I’ve currently got to work with

And I’m going to work on getting me to where I want to be

Which is living in God’s lightness

Every moment of every day

Because we are not like

We are of

And if we see that

How can we not love ourselves?

I want to

I want to get to know everyone

Know their point of view

Because that’s one of the beautiful pieces of life

Connecting to others

We are social creatures

Us Homo Sapiens or whatever you want to argue

Class of creatures

It is the best ride we have

And we don’t treasure it

Living it

Close to the hip (so to say)

But living it fully alive

Why not?

Let’s look at it

Let’s all look at it as a rebirth

Time and time again

And not as a death

But as a new beginning

Won’t that make life

So much more fun

——

If that not what?

What’s better?

I already like spinach

Tryin to do too much

This

In all its good and bad

In all its splendor and its fault

Is me

I don’t have a spare

And this

Is how God made me

And that to me is worth a lo

Because here I am

Right?

This is my life

I’m going to make the best of it

And I’m going to love myself every step of the way 

Because this is it boys and girls 

There will be no further production of me

Not this me

No matter how anyone may try 

When that becomes an actual thing unfortunately 

There is but one pure essence of me

One pure life

In this exact situation 

In this now

And I want it to be fireworks* and real love mistletoe

The whole way

—

*fireworks in my heart; peace in my brain 

No excuses

There’s a song I like 

Called “la bamba”

I sing it to myself when I’m starting to get a headache in hot yoga

We’ll technically I sing it to my pain

And it generally helps

Then I started to analyze the song

And I got to figure 

We are all captains of our life

Captains of our heart

Captains of our experiences

And it is only the illusion that we are not

That lets people justify war

And other such atrocities

The illusion of there being a justification

But there are no excuses in life

There is only what you do

And what you don’t do

Not on my watch

today

On my way home from the gym

I saw a man

And instinctively I sensed something off

He was dressed adequately enough for the day and time

Clean

But it was the shift

The slow walk

The way he looked around

I felt he was getting ready to jump off the bridge

I watched him

He saw me watching him

And his whole body shifted

He began to walk

Purposely almost

Off the bridge

Going the opposite way in traffic

I couldn’t see much as I drove away

But I sensed (correctly I hope) that it had been handled

That at least not today

Not then

Not on my watch

Did it happen

And I was satisfied with that

I can not tell you how many times

I to have been helped in life

Too many to recall honestly

And for them

Strangers

Fellow humans

I am incredibly thankful

I wish we could all take that stance

Not in “enforcing” our own agenda

But just in helping people

How and when they actually need help

Helping the world

It can be something as simple as....

Hey litter.....not on my watch. Lol

Or something as monumental as saving a life

The opportunities are there

Everywhere

Always

Just open your hearts

And you’ll see them

Truly transformative

You’ll see!

Sorry Kevin

It’s hard to put yourself out here in the dating world. Isn’t it?   It’s been hard for me too.

I just know that I’ll know when I know and that just hasn’t happened yet. This is why it’s easier to fall in love with co-workers and neighbors and people you see a lot. I suppose.

I never discount anything in life. I’m open to possibilities always.

Maybe we will cross paths again. Until then it was truly an honor to have spent time with you.  You really are one of the good ones. 😉

Maybe this doesn’t count for much with you. Maybe you’re tired of being a good guy. But without good guys there can’t be great girls waiting in the wings.

Women. Don’t do it

Please

Don’t let any doubts

Harm your self esteem

And lead you to self sabotage

Or worse

Letting yourself be abused

*****

Own it

Just own it all

We ALL have our pluses and minuses

Who gives a fuck?

I’m sure some make-up commercial has said this somewhere

Better and flashier than I

But

Be bold

Be true

Be you

******
Have No fear

You are safe here

Your soul is already part of God

You are already

Part of heaven

Making you kind of like an angel

.......After all

Let’s just say...for shits and giggles

That there is some world order

That they do want to kill off the majority of the population

Haven’t they ever read a fucking book beyond how to screw people over,

And get what you want always,

How you want it?

Yea. We all want that.

No! Reality check.

That’s not how this thing called life works.

No one is self sufficient in this world

Until you’ve reached legit God status*

Not this power mongering bullshit power you people toss around

To each other like pancakes

Ugghhh.

If that were really the point

Why not just let people know

The fucking truth?

Maybe another planet. Another ecosphere isn’t out of the question.

But let the people

The brilliant minds of the world

Along with the regular women, men and children.

figure it out

Something That truly benefits everyone

When given a chance

We really can

Together

All together!!

Eventually

Wouldn’t they be able to see that?

That we are all intricately connected

Like the butterfly affect

Only not so fucking creepy

They would stop trying to keep us separated

Angry

Afraid

Against each other

Killing the soil

Destroying the air

Polluting the water

They would see that they belong to this microcosm too

Would they really think all that evil spread out into the world wouldn’t penetrate their glass cages?  How in the world could they not care about their own environment?  How could they not care about what is ultimately their own life as well?  Even the bubble boy doesn’t live in one single bubble alone (figuratively).**

______

Read Douglas Adams “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy” series

*Which so few seem to. Once a millennia maybe. It seems. Maybe we are long overdue. Amma could you be one?  I’m on the hunt to meet all of you?  If you exist which I believe you do. I believe you exist in a network I have only been privy to here and there. I am looking for you. I suppose it’s always better to first find you within. Lol

**no. I find that so hard to believe that the only way I could see that being true is if they were not human at all, but beings from another world that when they finish playing here will go on back to where they came or play somewhere else instead. Now that would make a good movie!  Not sure the end. Suppose it should have a happy ending thrown in. Who doesn’t like those?  And that’s an even messier conspiracy than the first one. Mwahahahahahaha. Yet it makes more sense to me than idiot humans killing off their own habitat. That makes no sense at all!!!!

What the fuck guys?

Get in the game!!!

Look

It’s sll a numbers thing

Sure it may take you 200 at bats as opposed to Ricky Wonders who hits home runs constantly.

Ask him. Trust me. That gets old fast too.

The game is NOT rigged

Everyone gets a prize

Eventually

If you just keep putting your heart into the game

Man up

Take a chance

When in doubt

Err on the side of my hurting others

And realizing being hurt is part of life sometimes.

But not mostly.

Just don’t let it

Ride through the wave

Of pain and fear

And on the other side

Is everything you’ve ever wanted and more

Just remember to not hurt anyone along the way

Including you

The SLOW Movement

I need to think of an acronym for slow maybe

but the point is

I just want to slow it down

slow life down

but because there isn't really away for me to slow the world down

I will slow myself down

just as nature has time for all things

so do I

to do things slow

to a pace where I can be aware

where I can be calm

breathing

loving

living

joyously

accepting

compassionately

just being

No homosexuality

Just sexuality.

I’m watching this kids show on the Disney channel

And they have a little boy; maybe 12 coming out

On a show geared to PG not even 7+ (Andi Mack, which is cute)

It bothered me for a second

Because

While I am all for inclusiveness

And normalcy of all people

All

I don’t agree that people are only heterosexual or homosexual

I firmly believe we are born neither

We develop sexually based on our genetics

Upbringing and environment

And we sometimes vacílate during our lifetime

Which is why I agree with fluidity in sexuality

We should all be allowed to be completely fluid

This doesn’t not mean imposing your sexual desires on others

Through force, coercion, manipulation, inebriation, etc

Rather to just let each other be

As we are in that moment.

We are so attached to wanting things fixed and constant

But life does not work that way

And trying to make it so

And box it up only makes people miserable

Who needs all that work?

Exhausting just thinking of it

Well maybe

Maybe plan A was a really good one

All things had been factored in

And yet

Here you are

Confounded and confused

As to why it isn’t working

When plan b pops into your mind

So you follow it?

Access

Is this coming from a place of fear and panic

Or out of a welcoming feeling of love

Maybe plan A was just a warm up for better things to come

Maybe plan AZ24  is the best one you’ll get too.

Wouldn’t that be a heavenly ride

I don’t. Until I do.

I don’t.

The time isn’t right.

Whatever.

I just don’t.

Until I do.

And hopefully.

Then

It will be mutual

And it will be healthy

And it will be beautiful

Better than anything ever made believe.

And if by chance

That isn’t meant for me

I hope I get to enjoy

Many beautiful people

In and out

Along the way

Karma wheel

I think the karma wheel works both ways.

You can transgress up and down.

In other words

I think we live in a world which lets you travel either way. In or out of the gates of either.

So iris ultimately up to you how many games you play. How many do you need?  How may will it be?  I like to think the babies and children that die far too young. They went back to Heaven. Either Hod didn’t want them to play and didn’t want to spare those angles away or they wanted to be back in heaven. Which is such a better place to be than this.


*************

Just pay close attention to everything

And make your own judgement

Based on what your heart tells you

What Love would do?

What God would do?

What Mother Earth would do?

Be at peace

be at peace

Accept everything

Keep the judgment hamsters off their wheels

And dormant for this lifespan

It’s such a wink of the eye

It’s such a heartfelt story

It’s such a rich saga

Full of wonderment

If we just let it be

It’s not about “making” the best of it

It’s about living the best of it

Let it be all the greatness it can be

It isn’t ever exactly what you expect

Usually

So

So you demand the universe bring you what you want

Learn to navigate the world with gratitude for what it gives you

Or vacillate gratuitously between them depending on which benefits you most

Be real

Real real

Bring it

Maybe it will hurt at first

The pulling and pushing into a new age for people.

A new age for humanity

Isn’t it time?

We’ve been stuck here spiritually for far too long

Isn’t it time our spirit world truly did belong to God.

Be part of God’s Kingdom or Hell’s fury hatred and fear

Depending on which you bring to the table

And

When you’re ticket is pulled

Which of those complete domains you will go back to

Microcosms

How I believe Silicone Valley has it right

And wrong

It’s about giving an employee a chance to grow with a company 

And also help the company grow. 

Employees are your number one asset

If you let them be

If you raise them to that level

Let them meet you there

Out of mutual respect

Well then

By golly. What wouldn’t get done?

I wish the hours weren’t insane

I wish they brought back good benefits for everyone bottom to top. 

And more job security instead is these contract and gig jobs 

Businesses are squandering their most valuable commodity*; for clients as well as employees. Loyalty!

—

*people aren’t commodities though.  I’ll have to think of a better word.  Something equivalent to asset without sounding so douchy 

Along better

That should be it’s own thing

Without the get

Just

Along better

I was not good today

The little power I had

I wielded it badly

At a few times today*

I just get so overwhelmed I think

I don’t like talking much

I really don’t

And Sometimes I let my interpretation of people

Get to me

And sometimes people

But they generally know how I feel

So anyway. I think

I need to take my own advice here and sit still with the pain

But power makes you drunk sometimes

And you can’t even see yourself sliding

You can’t even barely feel the precipice to the abyss

****

Mind you. I have no real power

I can’t fire people or tear down beauty and nature

I don’t steal, lie, cheat, manipulate. Generally speaking I tend to not do those things ever if at all.

It just isn’t what comes natural

In fact it comes so unnaturally that I am inclined to think

That even if it meant saving my life I probably couldn’t tell a lie believably.

******
His name was Steve Young

Not the football player. No. He was 10 when I was 11. He was in 3rd and me in 4th. Boy was I ever in love. Hoochie-la. This boy made my lapels burst because my blood would overflow in my veins.  Why else?

It wasn’t sexual. I was just a puppy dolls at his heals. He was the moon and stars to me. He was so nice to me. He was blond and the smile he had just set my heart to 10 stages of melting.

One day his older sister sat beside me on his bed and started talking to me real nice and friendly like. Then she asks me all sugar and spice for me to tell him that i don’t want to be his girlfriend anymore and like an idiot I do and like an idiot he believes her. And it never came back from that; no matter that we both tried. We were so young. Hey. This is no love song. Trust me. I’ve had Facebook longer than all ya’ll bitches. I’ve done the throw back love affair. It ain’t all that it used to be. Anyway. I try to learn from my experiences and still follow my heart.

My point is that this and some other lessons that occurred at about the same time made me see very clearly that lying hurts. It hurts people. It hurts ya. It’s so not worth it. Plus I’m lazy. Lying takes way too much fucking brain wave activity. I gotta play connect the dots every time I do it. I gotta bat .99 to not get caught.  Ugghhh. It’s exhausting just talking about possibly ever doing it. Yuck!

_______
*For example: I forgot to let the 3rd participant speak. I could have and should have and had I been more mindful I would have. But I wasn’t being mindful. I was being a wee tiny bit full of myself. I can admit. A wee tiny schkosh. And I didn’t apologize. To be fair I’m more of a once in more aware and centered can I apologize and maybe then (like now) would it be too late. I’m an ass sometimes. What can I say. I am CONSCIOUSLY trying to be a non-ass. Trust me. I’ve figured this all out. The only way to be a non-ass is to slow it all down. Where is the time for that?  Now?  Let it be now!!!

Stand still

Stand still with the fear

And on the other side

You will find peace and happiness

*******

I’m glad you can finally see

That up is not up and down is not down

That the only person you can trust is yourself

And your heart

What your heart tells you is true

What comes from a deeper and better knowledge than your brain

A truth that goes beyond logic and words

An ancestral instinctual knowledge of who you truly are

*************

Stand still

Because fear will drive you crazy

Literally

If you let it take the reigns;

Stand still

So you can see the source

So you can heal the old wounds

And walk away pure and clean

*******

Your eternal self

Is pure divinity

Pure soul

Pure love

*******

The fear

Hatred

Anger

Timidity

Anxiety

Sleeplessness

ill health

The obsessions

The demons

The dread

It’s all part of forgetting

Who you truly are

**********

Remember

*********

Chose a thing

A thing you love with your entire soul

Focus on that one thing

With all of your attention

Every bit of it focused on that one feeling of pure love you can feel deeply within you

And now

amplify that love to the millionth power

Yes

That

That zap

That overwhelming power

That is you

That is heaven

That is God

********

Deep breaths

But don’t pass out on me