Reoccuring dreams

When I was much younger I had several reoccurring dreams.

1)

There was a line-up of either women or men. They all looked like either my mom or dad and I had the job of picking out which one was actually my parent. Whatever choice I made I had to keep, whether I picked the real one or not. Sometimes there were obvious things that gave the wrong ones away: a strong accent, shorter, taller, etc, but I was never 100% sure. Sometimes I would pick the right one, other times I would pick a much nice parent, and others a much worse one. So I would then be relieved, happy, or terribly upset, depending on the outcome. I haven't had this dream since childhood, but I still remember the strong feelings and the terror I always had when I was picking. I hated this dream, but it was not the worse of them.

2)

We lived in California. Earthquake and bomb drills were a common occurrence when I was growing up. I would often dream that we would have a major earthquake and that no matter where we lived at the time, the housing would get completely leveled. I would always be the only survivor and completely unscathed. I remember how cold and alone and terrified I always was standing in the rubble of my home knowing my mom or parents were dead. I haven't had this dream since childhood either.

3)


I've had this dream as far back as I can recall. Usually it is the actual place I live and it always happens exactly the same. I am walking into a room and I go to turn on the light and it does not turn. No matter what I try to turn on, nothing works. I go from room to room, trying everything and nothing works. I am terrified the entire time. I'm not sure if I'm afraid of the dark because of this dream or if this dream terrifies me so much because I am afraid of the dark. I haven't had this dream in a few years, but this is the one dream that did follow me out of childhood. I think I'm much more comfortable in the dark now than ever before, so maybe that is why I haven't had it recently.

I usually recall my dreams. If I wake up on my own without an alarm I can almost always recall some detail of at least one dream. Some of my dreams have even come true. I should keep a dream journal. That would be cool.

To be Human

God, why am I so easily corrupted? Greed, vanity, desire, gluttony, I am not impervious.

I believe that you love us unconditionally and absolutely regardless of whatever road we choose. I believe that you have nothing but absolute compassion for each and every one of us and that you know how hard we have it being constantly buffeted with temptations. We are weak and fallible and yet you have nothing but absolute love for us. I am humbled by this thought and feel slightly unworthy. Yet I know that your love is there to lift me, to help me, sooth me, strengthen me. It is here to give me light, hope, and comfort. It is here to carry me through anything life sets before me. That is why I should have no fear. I should have no worries. Would the worst to ever befall a person, befall me, you will still be here. Would I lose everything and everyone, you will still be here. I am absolutely unwaveringly sure of this and yet it is not something I can prove. Fortunately I do not have to because here is where faith steps in.

Is faith programmed? Is it genetic as some scientist now think? Maybe. I don't doubt that it could be. But that doesn't not mean that I still do not believe. We are taught to believe so much in this world: we are taught who to believe, what to believe, who is better, what is of value, which places are better, which things/people/places are worthy. I believe most of all that we are taught is complete and utter rubbish. We are conforming to some agenda pushed upon us that has been going on since before we were born and will continue to reign long after we are gone. From all the crap shoved down my throat I've surmised one absolute truth.

There is a force that lies within me and everything and everyone that gives us life and light. The energy that makes existence exist. I call that force God.

I don't know a whole heck of a lot. I have made, will make, and am in the process of making many mistakes in life. How do I know so? Because I am human. It is part of my fragil and completely fallible life. If I can forgive myself as God forgives me, If I can find love and compassion for myself as God has for me, then maybe all will not be lost.... in this mad, mad world.