The day I met Jesus

The day I saw Jesus

Okay. So let me start off by clarifying this now. NO. I did not see the real Jesus. I saw a man who looked like the Jesus I had seen depicted in Anglo and Mexican Churches and acted like him. Was it him?  Absolutely not!  Because Jesus was (historically accurate speaking) Jewish and dark skinned. And we all know what Jewish and dark skinned people look like. I'm not saying ugly, I'm just saying different. Different does not equal worse than, it only equals different, not same. Should have been one of the easiest lessons I'd say. Lol. 

So I'm about 10 then. Home alone. It's summer.  The single story 2 bedroom house is hot with no a/c. I'm bored. I can't go outside because my mother has restricted me due to  a pervert(?) who was roaming the park watching a friend and I do cartwheels and following us from place to place. Not saying hi. Not behaving quite as I suspected should have been normal (for an innocent kid to think; as in if you aren't a threat to me why don't you just come talk to me the way I'm used to; especially from elderly people. They used to stop and say hello, sometimes offer candy. Nowadays it would have to be organic, sugar free and no artificial food coloring to appease some people. Right?*. It was nice to live in a world where strangers cared.). 

I even had to ask the park counsellors for direction. "Like hey. I think they are following me...(because my friend and  and I made a game of it and split up to see if he would still follow us and he followed me; see, not being presumptuous.lol) what do I do?"  She told us to both go home and from that day forth I could no longer go to the park alone. Now I can't remember at this time if that was only if my mom wasn't home or at all. I remember my world went black after that. I loved being outside, I love running around town doing as I pleased.  (I mean really. As a child I had a radius of about 2 blocks, which included a park and a liquor (candy) store, 4 at most one time, when my dad happen to live on that street.) 

So here I was in this boiling hot house, alone. Because I also was not allowed to have people over.** I'm not gonna say I was entirely miserable, I did have MTV luckily, but that's a sad friend for a girl.

MAIN STORY: So here is this man coming into my gate (which is loud and makes a distinct sound; one always knows the particular sound to ones gate/door/jail. Doesn't one?)and I run to the window to see. He has long brown hair and is carrying a beer crumpled in a paper bag. He sits under the shady avocado tree. Just sits and sits. It is so hot out and he enjoys the shade and his drink as if he didn't have a single care in the world.  He looks so utterly happy, and honestly to this point in my life I didn't recall ever seeing anyone as happy, EVER. I couldn't help but stare at him, mesmerized by his happiness. Of course I was still a child with a short attention span. (Or rather always in fear that I wasn't doing something right.). So I broke away to call my mom to ask what I should do. Her, probably fearing social services and not knowing/liking/interacting with any of the neighbors had no one to call (I believe) so she told me to do nothing and stay inside. 

And so I watched him more and then watched some more TV.  I had wanted to go outside and talk to him. Maybe, probably is what you are almost all thinking, something bad would have happened. That just may be, but maybe he would have been someone to point me in the right direction, someone to teach me something. Stranger things have happened. (See very first blog)***

What kind of life is living with your guard up all the time? Always being on the defense. That's why people love money, items, fame and power so much. They think it will protect them from something, but it doesn't. It offers the illusion of protection, but no one is ever safe. There is the scene and the unscene. There is the tangible and the intangible. No one is immune, no matter how well they think they are protected. Life just don't work that way. So. Why play at that game?  It's a disappointment to say the least and a complete waste of the precious little time we have here on earth (no matter your age). 

* I am one of those people. Do you know why though. In my defense. Because I care about what goes into my delicate young child's body as I would for you as well. I don't want things that can cause cancer affecting anyone; let alone my own children. How do I explain that that nice lady that mommy liked so much, that smiled warmly at them and was so kind and offered candy gave them something mommy won't let them eat. It's hard to take. For everyone.  But that what I feel I have to do. It's what my heart tells me to do. My heart says, which "one" thing is going to take them over the edge?  Which "one thing" is going to push their little bodies into overload and hurt or kill them. How many people must die from cancer for us to evoke aware that is the air, food, water and chemicals we drink that is doing this to us. It is the things we put in our bodies. Why is it that only since the "Industrial Age" does cancer exists (so rampantly, not as very rarely as before)?  Could you live with yourself?  Could I?  It's my job, my only real (God given) job to care for my children.  Please let me do that. Please stop poisoning  them; and of course here I am NOT talking about that sweet little old(er) lady. I'm talking about you banks, businesses, governments, religious corporations and any combination there-of. You all turn the blind eye at best and maintain it at worst. I'm not iust talking about the poison going into their mouth, there is the poison they hear (media lies), the poison they see (constant advertisement), the financial poison they've been shackled with; debt & consumption encouragement (materialism), and then but certainly not least the air, food and water they need for survival, let alone nourishment and cleansing. The body can cure itself of all degenerative diseases with the right combination of good air, healthy food, natural pure water and a clear heart. This is why it saddens me so when children get cancer. They have the hardest part still there. They have a clear heart.  Of course genetics play a role as well, but system overload from modern toxins plays an even greater one now. 

** Was I ever allowed?  I can't even recall, did I blow that privilege?   I don't know.  It's possible I suppose. We're talking under 12 here things are foggy. I have lived in many different places since my youngest days and it's still hard for me to keep it straight 


*** Obviously my mother could not tell me to go out and talk to him. I'm not suggesting that. We all "know" we don't live in that kind of world. Although. Wouldn't it be an absolutely amazing world, if she could say that and she could know with all certainty that nothing bad would happen to me. Wouldn't that be a fantabulous world?  I believe we can actually. I think Buddha, Jesus, Rumi, etc. They all gave us the game plan. It's just that we must all take that ride. We can't just talk the talk. We gotta walk the walk. We gotta be gut wrenchingly honest; first and foremost with ourselves and then with the world.  This is why we humans fail. This is why no one ever sees "the way".   It's hard work. We want an easy ride. We want to be instantly and immediately taught, which while completely plausible... for most people requires near death to accomplish. No no. We  want the road to heaven paved and well lit, with child level safety grade features on everything, with every comfort and convenience we can think up. And life is not meant to be that way. Life is meant to put you threw the ringer sometimes, but that doesn't mean it is bad. Listen. It's really easy. Life is meant to expand your heart. You are meant to feel the breath divine with each intake and for that we need to be vulnerable. We need to bleed love every chance we get. We need to give our all, as much as we can, when we can, which for each person will be different. Know yourself. Love yourself. Accept yourself unconditionally. Then love all else the same. Period!

How to stop being suicidal in one easy lesson

The key is.  To be happy. Wherever you are. Whatever you are doing. If you find it very difficult to be where you are, find help. Find a way out, whether through research, people, sheer determination and/or blind trust*. That's it!  But meanwhile....enjoy the ride. Just enjoy it; every minute of it, like in that Natzi era movie "life is beautiful".  You can't let the sucky parts get you down. You can't let the "restrictions" restrict you from being you. Let yourself be. Be free. 

The truth. The pure truth feels sooooo good. If you've ever done drugs you'll know what I mean. If you've ever run a marathon or lived through a very tragic ordeal. You know what I mean. Living real feels SOOO good. When you're on drugs (the good ones that is; opioids or alcohol for example) you feel good. You feel magical at times. It's because you are magical. Life is magical. You gotta let yourself feel that, all day, every day, all minutes long. It's your natural state of being.  Yes like a child. Like a baby even. I can admit it. A baby who when you look in their eyes all you see reflected back to you is love. Good thing because they are hard work. 

We are all hard work. Aren't we?  The struggle can be fun. Let it all be fun. Wouldn't you rather die happy. If your plan is on dying happy, then you have to try harder to live happy.  To be happy now. Simply remembering that Life is cyclical. It has its ups and downs, it's trials and tribulations. Every life has its monumental moments and its unnoteworthy moments. 

My point is. If you allow yourself to be truly happy in life. In this one life you are living now, then those unnoteworthy moments become just as good as the rest. It's so easy. All you have to do is live the happiness you deserve....and when you get to a crossroad where you have to chose and you can't decide, pick with your heart always, over your head. It may occasionally be "wrong" in their eyes (any eyes).  But that's what is in your heart and you can't be faulted for that. When you do things with love. Love that starts with love for yourself. Enough love, acceptance and forgiveness as God would give. Then you direct that same unconditional love, acceptance and forgiveness on everyone else. But you have to be real about it. You gotta really live it. Every moment soak in the warmth of true love for yourself (not narcissism, not self-absorption) but the love of knowing what is right for you because you personally desire it that way, not because someone told you to like it, made you like it. Narcissus died because he got so enamored with himself, that every new moment he saw himself was an new moment to love himself.  He had never seen his image. 

Wish we all were so lucky to never see our image. Then we could truly see who we really are inside. We can really know ourselves without having to be told who we are by anything outside of us. We use our 5 sense to dictate our outsides, but that is not what they are for. We should dictate what happens outside exclusively through our intuition and heart. They are the right lenses to see life with. The other senses are to augment our protection. They are not meant to be the only filters for information.  Every animal has its own filtration augmentation system, but they all have intuition and love to carry them through life. Whether it's love for their kindred, love for the planet (it's home), love for the strangest pairing ever seen (a turtle and a rhino). Animals know love. True love. Ask any animal lover, even the arachnid lovers, the cockroach lovers...... There are some, lots even. We humans have the deepest capacity to love. That's how we evolved so rapidly in the first place.  

My point again. We are animals. Capable of living just moment by beautiful moment. Not letting it be excruciating, even if that's how it has to play out. Surprisingly to me in the bible is that Jesus blasphemed his parent. Right?  Here he is, loves everyone, cures people, turns water to wine, washes peasants feet, turns the other cheek no matter what, and here he is complaining to his father. Couldn't have he walked away if he wanted to. He performed every miracle there is, with the humility of a thousand Buddhist monks and he could not get out of this dilemma. I just find it hard to believe. What I believe. If this story is to be even half true is that he subjected himself to the will of his father, who he loved more than anything and everything. In this same way. We must subject ourselves to God's will, our higher conscious, our moral compass, our sense or right and wrong, whatever you want to call it. We must always let that part of ourselves. The part I call love come out. All times. At all times. 

Then and only then will anyone ever be truly happy. You have to forgive yourself and love and accept yourself first. Entirely. Completely. Absolutely no exceptions. None. Not one. Not even a tiny one. Then and only then can you find that deep dark happiness you've always wanted. START NOW!!!!  Be dark happy. Lol. No. Not like emu. Like colors. Dark. Rich. Vivid. In colour. Full strength. Complete coverage. Solid through and through. You can do it. Everyone can do it. It's nothing special really. It's our God given right as animals in the kingdom of earth. And please trust me that no one can take it away from you EVER; no matter how hard they try, unless you let them. 

Lol

That's the key to happiness. See. Not so frickin hard.

Now if you do find these easy in theory but hard in practice do this;

Each day tell yourself 1-5 times a day in front of the mirror with as much honesty as you can muster "I love every part of you, I forgive you for everything, I accept you unconditionally", in any order you prefer.  Then also, you need to change your internal dialogue.  When you find yourself being negative in any way, and especially with/about yourself, immediately stop your thoughts and (acknowledge them if you want to, some people even like thanking them) and put another thought in its place.  If you can completely change the exact dialogue you were having; for example if you were saying to yourself "that was stupid, why did I say that...", stop and tell yourself instead something positive thought like "that was brave of me to speak when I was so nervous" or whatever seems appropriate.  It doesn't have to match perfectly, and truth be told it doesn't have to be that at all.  If this seems too complicated, then (Very simply) when you catch yourself having negative thoughts, stop them and immediately replace them with happy thought.  Any happy thought will do; whatever brings you happiness.  Balloons, rainbows, butterflies, cupcakes, rollercoaster rides, the beach, snuggling under a blanket, your grandmothers hugs, literally ANY happy thought to take yourself out of a negative direction.  You may have to do this over and over and over and over, but eventually you will have less and less negative thoughts.  With something as simple as thinking of lollipops  (or what have you).

* (very long aside) It can come from dancing, writing, singing, painting, work, travel, as may possibilities as people exist.  The key is to find what makes you happy.  What makes it all okay for you.  That can change moment by moment, life is fluid, but there are currents of happiness you can ride on, like a surfer rides a wave.  They are all different, each and every one and must be treated that way, but they are all one and the same also... and so is all of life.  And sometimes there are days you get no wave and that is just as good as the day you get a good one.  At least, if you are a true surfer it is.  It's all the same, only different.  Now........Picture your life a giant dartboard, with the bullseye being your birth and spanning out like the rings of a tree.  Now I'm going to give you 25 darts and anywhere they land that will be a very happy moment.  This is in addition to the moments in your life that were already happy ones.  I am giving you 25 more special moments full of pure bliss.  The only thing is you have no control of when those moments will fall because the dartboard has no markings and each dark point can be any of a billions moments of your life.  One of those darts may land on a moment when you were washing dishes and one on a moment you were sleeping.  Right?  No one knows.  You'd gladly accept my offer right, and enjoy those moments of happiness no matter when they came.  No  I have in my hand a magic dart that without even having to hit the dartboard lights up the entire board, every single second, every single moment, you can be truly happy.  Would you like that?  Then let yourself be happy, no matter what.  That's it.  That's all it takes.  Go if you need to go, stay you need to stay, sing if you need to sing, dance if you need to dance, do what you have to do, find your happiness.  It's nothing outside yourself.  It's you.  It's all on you.  I'm not saying walk around like a mad man with a grin on your face even when your favorite thing/place/person is gone.  I'm saying realize that "it's ok".  It's all ok.  Your heart is here to protect you and lead the way.  Always.  Can you live without your heart....and yes I know that is physically possible.  I don't mean it literally, as in your organ.  I mean as in that vulnerable, trusting, accepting, forgiving way of a baby or loyal dog (as examples).  Be WIDE OPEN.  And here I'm sure some would say, "you mean her legs" and I don't necessarily not mean her legs OR his.  After all it IS the oldest "profession", which to my mind simply means it's the oldest thing on record that we humans sought after each other with gifts of money/goods/other to procure without doubt.  In the same way you have no doubt McDonalds will have hamburgers when you want to buy them so long as you have money to buy them with (so crude).  I'm not opposed to prostitution.  In fact I think they perform a great service to humanity, they help relieve stress, provide intimate human to human contact.  They should be revered, a bit akin to how they were treated in the series "Firefly", only even more so.  But I'm not all that into the institution of marriage and I think orgy's are a good thing.  Maybe if we had more orgies and less marriages we wouldn't need prostitutes.  Maybe?  But even then probably not.  Until all humans are happy within themselves and can find that happiness mirrored from others will this world be a complete, healthy, happy planet.  The chances of that while astronomical, I hope can be plausible.  We need a massive moment to higher consciousness.  A massive moment away from all what most of us have been taught.  A movement back to our true selves.  I hope I get to see that day.  But for now I'll settle for living my own moment by moment happiness, as much as I absolutely can.