Okay. So let me start off by clarifying this now. NO. I did not see the real Jesus. I saw a man who looked like the Jesus I had seen depicted in Anglo and Mexican Churches and acted like him. Was it him? Absolutely not! Because Jesus was (historically accurate speaking) Jewish and dark skinned. And we all know what Jewish and dark skinned people look like. I'm not saying ugly, I'm just saying different. Different does not equal worse than, it only equals different, not same. Should have been one of the easiest lessons I'd say. Lol.
So I'm about 10 then. Home alone. It's summer. The single story 2 bedroom house is hot with no a/c. I'm bored. I can't go outside because my mother has restricted me due to a pervert(?) who was roaming the park watching a friend and I do cartwheels and following us from place to place. Not saying hi. Not behaving quite as I suspected should have been normal (for an innocent kid to think; as in if you aren't a threat to me why don't you just come talk to me the way I'm used to; especially from elderly people. They used to stop and say hello, sometimes offer candy. Nowadays it would have to be organic, sugar free and no artificial food coloring to appease some people. Right?*. It was nice to live in a world where strangers cared.).
I even had to ask the park counsellors for direction. "Like hey. I think they are following me...(because my friend and and I made a game of it and split up to see if he would still follow us and he followed me; see, not being presumptuous.lol) what do I do?" She told us to both go home and from that day forth I could no longer go to the park alone. Now I can't remember at this time if that was only if my mom wasn't home or at all. I remember my world went black after that. I loved being outside, I love running around town doing as I pleased. (I mean really. As a child I had a radius of about 2 blocks, which included a park and a liquor (candy) store, 4 at most one time, when my dad happen to live on that street.)
So here I was in this boiling hot house, alone. Because I also was not allowed to have people over.** I'm not gonna say I was entirely miserable, I did have MTV luckily, but that's a sad friend for a girl.
MAIN STORY: So here is this man coming into my gate (which is loud and makes a distinct sound; one always knows the particular sound to ones gate/door/jail. Doesn't one?)and I run to the window to see. He has long brown hair and is carrying a beer crumpled in a paper bag. He sits under the shady avocado tree. Just sits and sits. It is so hot out and he enjoys the shade and his drink as if he didn't have a single care in the world. He looks so utterly happy, and honestly to this point in my life I didn't recall ever seeing anyone as happy, EVER. I couldn't help but stare at him, mesmerized by his happiness. Of course I was still a child with a short attention span. (Or rather always in fear that I wasn't doing something right.). So I broke away to call my mom to ask what I should do. Her, probably fearing social services and not knowing/liking/interacting with any of the neighbors had no one to call (I believe) so she told me to do nothing and stay inside.
And so I watched him more and then watched some more TV. I had wanted to go outside and talk to him. Maybe, probably is what you are almost all thinking, something bad would have happened. That just may be, but maybe he would have been someone to point me in the right direction, someone to teach me something. Stranger things have happened. (See very first blog)***
What kind of life is living with your guard up all the time? Always being on the defense. That's why people love money, items, fame and power so much. They think it will protect them from something, but it doesn't. It offers the illusion of protection, but no one is ever safe. There is the scene and the unscene. There is the tangible and the intangible. No one is immune, no matter how well they think they are protected. Life just don't work that way. So. Why play at that game? It's a disappointment to say the least and a complete waste of the precious little time we have here on earth (no matter your age).
* I am one of those people. Do you know why though. In my defense. Because I care about what goes into my delicate young child's body as I would for you as well. I don't want things that can cause cancer affecting anyone; let alone my own children. How do I explain that that nice lady that mommy liked so much, that smiled warmly at them and was so kind and offered candy gave them something mommy won't let them eat. It's hard to take. For everyone. But that what I feel I have to do. It's what my heart tells me to do. My heart says, which "one" thing is going to take them over the edge? Which "one thing" is going to push their little bodies into overload and hurt or kill them. How many people must die from cancer for us to evoke aware that is the air, food, water and chemicals we drink that is doing this to us. It is the things we put in our bodies. Why is it that only since the "Industrial Age" does cancer exists (so rampantly, not as very rarely as before)? Could you live with yourself? Could I? It's my job, my only real (God given) job to care for my children. Please let me do that. Please stop poisoning them; and of course here I am NOT talking about that sweet little old(er) lady. I'm talking about you banks, businesses, governments, religious corporations and any combination there-of. You all turn the blind eye at best and maintain it at worst. I'm not iust talking about the poison going into their mouth, there is the poison they hear (media lies), the poison they see (constant advertisement), the financial poison they've been shackled with; debt & consumption encouragement (materialism), and then but certainly not least the air, food and water they need for survival, let alone nourishment and cleansing. The body can cure itself of all degenerative diseases with the right combination of good air, healthy food, natural pure water and a clear heart. This is why it saddens me so when children get cancer. They have the hardest part still there. They have a clear heart. Of course genetics play a role as well, but system overload from modern toxins plays an even greater one now.
** Was I ever allowed? I can't even recall, did I blow that privilege? I don't know. It's possible I suppose. We're talking under 12 here things are foggy. I have lived in many different places since my youngest days and it's still hard for me to keep it straight
*** Obviously my mother could not tell me to go out and talk to him. I'm not suggesting that. We all "know" we don't live in that kind of world. Although. Wouldn't it be an absolutely amazing world, if she could say that and she could know with all certainty that nothing bad would happen to me. Wouldn't that be a fantabulous world? I believe we can actually. I think Buddha, Jesus, Rumi, etc. They all gave us the game plan. It's just that we must all take that ride. We can't just talk the talk. We gotta walk the walk. We gotta be gut wrenchingly honest; first and foremost with ourselves and then with the world. This is why we humans fail. This is why no one ever sees "the way". It's hard work. We want an easy ride. We want to be instantly and immediately taught, which while completely plausible... for most people requires near death to accomplish. No no. We want the road to heaven paved and well lit, with child level safety grade features on everything, with every comfort and convenience we can think up. And life is not meant to be that way. Life is meant to put you threw the ringer sometimes, but that doesn't mean it is bad. Listen. It's really easy. Life is meant to expand your heart. You are meant to feel the breath divine with each intake and for that we need to be vulnerable. We need to bleed love every chance we get. We need to give our all, as much as we can, when we can, which for each person will be different. Know yourself. Love yourself. Accept yourself unconditionally. Then love all else the same. Period!
*** Obviously my mother could not tell me to go out and talk to him. I'm not suggesting that. We all "know" we don't live in that kind of world. Although. Wouldn't it be an absolutely amazing world, if she could say that and she could know with all certainty that nothing bad would happen to me. Wouldn't that be a fantabulous world? I believe we can actually. I think Buddha, Jesus, Rumi, etc. They all gave us the game plan. It's just that we must all take that ride. We can't just talk the talk. We gotta walk the walk. We gotta be gut wrenchingly honest; first and foremost with ourselves and then with the world. This is why we humans fail. This is why no one ever sees "the way". It's hard work. We want an easy ride. We want to be instantly and immediately taught, which while completely plausible... for most people requires near death to accomplish. No no. We want the road to heaven paved and well lit, with child level safety grade features on everything, with every comfort and convenience we can think up. And life is not meant to be that way. Life is meant to put you threw the ringer sometimes, but that doesn't mean it is bad. Listen. It's really easy. Life is meant to expand your heart. You are meant to feel the breath divine with each intake and for that we need to be vulnerable. We need to bleed love every chance we get. We need to give our all, as much as we can, when we can, which for each person will be different. Know yourself. Love yourself. Accept yourself unconditionally. Then love all else the same. Period!
No comments:
Post a Comment
What would you say to you in response if you were me?