Whatever you want it to be

Divorce can look like whatever you want it to be

just like marriage can

and how sex between consenting adults should be

it should be confined only by the limits of your imagination

and the boundaries you have set for yourself (NOT those imposed on you)

screw what society says you should and should not do

they don't live your life

YOU DO

and you only get one go at this race

so you gotta make it uniquely yours

you've got to make it work for you

on your terms

those and whoever you chose to cohabitant with (that choses you back of course)

My divorce currently looks a lot like a marriage in two separate houses

I do his laundry

he comes over for dinner or breakfast a few days a week

we talk/text almost every day

he pays for and delivers our groceries*

I'm not saying it will stay this way forever

relationships change

this will to

but for now this works for all of us

and so it should be with marriage

some marriages work better with their own unique set of parameters

I know couples who live in separate houses

even countries apart (though generally not always by choice)

couples who swing or have completely open relationships

couples who trans or deviate very far from the "norm"

and it works for them

couples who have no sex at all

(it's not for me...but who am I to judge)

my point is

let this life be

what you chose it to be

and if mainstream stifles your joie de vivre

tell them to go fuck themselves

SEIZE THE FUCKING DAY

and carve your own path

devil be damned

set your own course

chart your own path

make this life completely yours

all of it

because the end comes way to fast

and to not have truly lived it

to its absolute fullest

that you were capable of

that you TRULY wanted

will be your absolute greatest regret






*to be fair he works in a grocery store and lives literally across the street as well

Mysteries

I've accepted that in life there are mysteries I simply may not be privy to find out about.

I generalized this quite a bit when I blogged about this before

but today I was reminded about one particular incident that happened very long ago.

In fact just off the top of my head I can think of two actually.

Incidents which seem too implausible to be merely circumstance or coincidence

yet happenings that I would be hard pressed to ever find the real answers to

and even if presented with them

am not quite sure I'd be able to believe them

truth be told

were I to be presented with the actuality of them

The first incident I may have spoken of previously,

the second never have I mentioned it to anyone before

First:

I suffered from road rage a lot in my 20's

nothing more than the average person probably

and anyone dealing with daily 405 rush hour traffic can probably attest to the infuriating nature of having to deal with this

one day when almost home

I went to turn left off PCH onto 7th Street (in Long Beach)

and I grew inpatient with the person in front of me who seemed to be purposely going exceedingly slow

and had made us miss the light, which we should have easily gotten through.

I sat fuming as the lights finally came back around and when they did I proceeded to create my own passing lane to the right of them while turning in the middle of the street

what I had forgotten to take note of is that the intersection while large had two lanes turning the opposite way.  I looked up to find myself in a head to head trajectory with the car on the opposite side of the street.  I had no where to go and no time to stop.

that car

through some miracle yet to be understood by me

had the foresight to see my asinine behavior and accounted for it by moving into the second turning lane farther from me which fortunately had no one in it.

the thing is that

from that lane it is almost impossible to be able to see

let alone prevent such an accident from happening

yet somehow they did

I've studies this situation countless times and the intersection and the other persons vantage

and let me tell you

without having psychic abilities

I really am not quite sure how they pulled off this feat

I seriously couldn't say

The second incident

now here it gets more complicated

I'm going to omit a few details as to exact location and timeframe

but this is nothing that is needed or that would impact the story or what transpired

I was recently broken up

or what felt like recently

from the man I thought was my soul mate

I probably hadn't seen him in over a month

but had recently talked to him on the phone

explaining that I would never see him again

and the circumstances (outside either of our control) as to why

and that unlike our countless break ups and make-ups

explained that this truly would be the end

and while I was trying to consciously accept this

I was still dreaming with him every night and some days were still very difficult to get through

I remember as clear as if it were just 5 minuets ago what happened

even if I can't explain how or why

So I went to park at home after work

I found a spot not to far on the street and saw him immediately

before I was even done parking

he stood by the street sign

motionless

smiling at me

I smiled back and could not take my gaze away from him

we both stared at each other the entire time

and I slowly got out of the car

and walked over to him

it didn't seem one bit awkward until I was about 3 feet away and realized

it wasn't him

this man looked almost identical to him

but this man was a few years younger (at most) and a couple inches tall (at least)

and he just had a different aura to him

he was not my old flame

yet he kept smiling at me

and stood there motionless and without a sound as I halted my walk

and simply said

"sorry.... I thought you were someone else"

I turned and walked away as quickly as I could

and completely melted into a ball of mush when I got in the door

Who was he?

Why did this doppelgänger come to me?

What was he doing standing at that sign by my house?

Why did he remain motionless as I approached

and say nothing when I left?

I can not even begin to answer any of those questions

to this day I don't know

for the few seconds it took me to process what was happening

my mind was trying desperately to make him into the person I wanted him to be

my mind wanted to justify the oddities

even as my heart screamed belligerently at my minds betrayal

*******

So many mysteries in one simple lifetime

even one so mundane and insignificant as mine

and to think these miracles, mysteries and oddities

happen every day

all around us

everywhere

do we look?

do we see them?

seeing isn't necessarily understanding

but that doesn't take away from the adventure

now does it?

the grand adventure

of life