No response needed

Don't panic

Easier said than done

I recognize

No matter what happens

No matter what surfaces

You need not have an instant reaction to it

You need not let your mind and emotions jump ahead

of the reasoning in your heart

And your heart

At least mine

Is a light; almost distant drumming

That needs quiet and solace to be truly heard

And understood

Not that you don't want to jump out of the way of a speeding car

Or catch your child as they slip and fall

but barring true life of death immediate response necessary moments

And most often even in those

A few moments of quiet contemplation are perfectly acceptable

And most oft needed to ascertain exactly what one should do

If anything at all

Just because your bated

Or engaged

Doesn't mean you need respond

Or play along

Sometimes just acknowledging the game that is trying to be played

Is quite all that is needed

And nothing else

And absolutely nothing else

********

Sometimes

When I'm feeling stressed out

I tell myself

"I don't have to say anything"

"I don't need to do anything"

"Absolutely nothing at all"

"No response is mandated"

"Nothing"

"I can just be"

"Just be"

And that alone makes me feel a sense of relief

A sense of calm

Now

Does that mean I let people mistreat me or others?

Does that mean I don't duck an object whirling in my direction?

No. it just means I evaluate each situation for what it is

And recognize that more often than not

My response is not needed

Just observing

Just being aware

Just being conscious of what is happening

Seems to be more than enough

Not always

But mostly

And stopping

Mindfully watching

Grasping the entire situation (as best I can given what I know then)

And responding to that directly

In what I believe to be the best way possible

Without letting emotion take the lead

Or my mind talk me into what "should be"

Has saved my life

More times than even a cat could admit to*

*because a cat (supposedly) has 9 lives. Get it?  I love being funny. Although my kids tell me I'm not funny. I laugh!  Doesn't that count?  Here again they say no. But I say yes. So there!  (Insert smile tongue out emoticon here)

Hardest thing

The hardest thing in life

For me

Has been trying to live outside the realm of fear

And outside the incarceration of hatred

It is by far the most difficult path to tread in life

Because it is constantly reinforced in us to fear

To distrust

To hate

Maybe sometimes out of good intentions

Maybe sometimes rightfully so

But I'd venture to say.

Mostly it isn't

Mostly it's at the cost of our very souls

At the cost of our own freedoms

And happiness

So I fight

This mostly inner battle

Waged against the very world

And.....

What I have learned is that

If I fight it with hope

With love

With kindness

With openness

With acceptance

With trust in God

With trust in myself

And my own instincts

And the cosmic forces of the universe

It opens up a path

That is much easier

Which feels good

Which feels comforting and righteous

Not in a holier than though way

But in a Godly way

Is it easy?

Hell no

Mostly not

Sometimes yes

I'm not sure what it takes

Some say...change your inner dialogue

"Tell yourself it's easy"

Maybe the more you do it

The more ingrained it becomes

Maybe it is always a struggle

Here's where a mentor would come in handy

But I consider myself a religion of one

And I'm not about to latch on to anything that doesn't resonate with my heart

Or anything that doesn't resonate within my soul

It is my quest

Has my path been circuitous?

Quite so

Yes

Has it been full of errors and pitfalls

Lessons of the pain endured from not listening to my heart

Yes

Yes it has

But I hope to have many many more years

To keep at it

To keep searching for Nirvana

Wherever I may find it

Within

Without

Inside

Outside

In light

As well as dark

May it come

May I be open to it

May I feel it

Understand it

Live it

Every possible moment I can