Broken Inside

there are so many people walking around this planet broken inside

And some if not most are so frayed that they simply can not function in society

I'm talking about people that have been hurt so drastically

And/or are so sensitive to the pains of the world

And suffer so intensely

As to become a harm to themselves and/or others

Some lash out by hurting others purposely

Some with anger/hatred

Some with a strong need to control people/things around them

Because of the deep lack of control they feel inside

Some have self destructive tendencies

And some simply self destruct

Society functions to almost foster this behavior

With its push for greed, anonymity and a comfort seeking, self-serving lifestyle

As communal animals who depend primarily on relationships for our happiness

And well being

Modern society allots very  little time and energy towards deep, meaningful relationships

Yet without them we can not thrive

Or even subsist

Superficially perhaps

But not in a meaningful way

So when I look at myself in the mirror

And see the pain endured

I am grateful for the strength that has come up to almost equal measure to it

At almost every turn

I can't tell you exactly where it comes from

It's not that I have called upon God at every one of those turns

But it is a strength that while it does emanate from deep inside

Is so much more than me

(If that even makes sense)

It's like I draw it from a reservoir deep inside

That connects to an endless stream

And I don't even realize it's there until I need it

And it springs forth

When I've seemed to most need it

Not always

But mostly (thank God)

Can I say why this isn't for most

No. I wish I could.

Do I consider myself lucky or privileged?  

No. I've never until now actually articulated it

And at this moment all I can feel is grateful

And sad.

Sad that others suffer so much

Have suffered

Are suffering

Are dying

Not so much in the sense that we all die

But in the sense that it literally kills

Kills their cells

Kills their heart

Kills their soul

We all have so much need

Of affection

Of kindness and compassion

Of understanding and love

And until society works in such a way to foster that

To build upon that

To help us lay the foundation of that for our entire lives

And support us

Help each other support each other

Then it seems many of us will keep dying

Fruitlessly

If not by our own hands

Or the hands of those fractured so much by unending pain

Then by the dispationate, inhumane systems society has us shackled to

The ones for which we are but nameless faceless cogs

To be churned through to maintain the status quo

Or benefit those in power

I really don't know why

I see the way it is

And the way it could be

And I don't quite understand how it's all gone so wrong

On a one by one basis

Most people are lovely

I can see the human struggle and the heart endeavoring

To be true

I'm not sure what it will take

Whatever it is though

I hope it starts with if not love

Compassion for one and all

Welcome to your life

Close your eyes

Take 10 deep breaths

And Imagine the most tranquil place you can think of

Real or make believe

Picture yourself there

In vivid detail

Is it day or night

Are you inside or outside 

Picture yourself seated comfortably 

The temperature is perfect

You are neither hot or cold

In fact you feel completely At ease

Wanting of nothing

In your most perfect oasis

Here you are completely carefree

 engulfed in deep sense of relaxation

Your body feels light 

Your thoughts are calm and serene

You're eyes are soft

You have absolutely no problems

No worries

No stresses

No fears

No tension 

No anger

No bitterness

No angst whatsoever 

All the troubles of your life have melted away

Into this deep sense of peace

Into deep calm tranquility

Your body is completely lax 

Your mind feels airy

Your thoughts are quiet

As you sit and just soak in the beauty/tranquility around you

You notice the figure of someone you deeply love

Coming into your view

They are slowly walking towards you

With a smile and a look of love

Meant only for you

And you instantly feel any rough edges of your heart soften and melt

As your beloved walks closer and closer to you

You can sense the love they feel for you

You can feel that deep connection

And it is intensely uplifting

Your heart beats to the tune of a beautiful melody only you can hear

Only you can feel

And you are overcome with a feeling 

As close to divinity as you've ever felt before

A calm sense of joy

Of wonder

You know

You deeply truly know

Beyond a shadow of a doubt

That you are completely safe here

And you bask in the glory of that feeling 

Reveling in how good it feels

To feel complete peace

And deep happiness

-------------------

Now open your eyes

And keep that feeling as long as you possibly can

Welcome to your life

It is not always an oasis

It is not always serene

It is not always full of people that love you completely and unconditionally

But that sense of serenity

Is something you can carry with you

Deep Inside yourself

No matter what your life looks like on the outside

You don't have to give that up

For anything or anyone

Keeping that deep sense of peace

Will help you navigate the hardships of life

Much better than any book, sage or scholarly advice will 

Keeping that openness, that warmth, that serenity and true sense and feeling of love will help you live as close to heaven as absolutely possible on this earth

And that is worth more than every bit of gold and every treasure this earth has to offer combined tenfold over. 

Living wide open, some would say vulnerable even or truly exposed, living with complete honesty, in complete acceptance and with a deep sense of peace, with no fear, no anger, no judgment or concerns is a true path to heaven. 

So. Make of this life what you want. This life you lead is yours alone. No one can live it for you. So welcome to it. Welcome to it all. 

(Note to self: Let everything reinforce your sense of peace. Try not to succumb to fear, anger, worry. Don't give in. You have but just this one life. Don't waste it.)

In the name of love & Gloria - U2