Sex, sex and more sex.....just not at the moment.

Wr are animals

We are biologically driven to procreate

Which is why sex is so pleasurable

Right?

Being sentient beings one would think we could bypass this hard wiring 

Yes... we can consciously chose to not procreate 

We can chose to not have sex

But to not succumb to our hormonal ebbs and flows

To not be swayed by our libido 

And its urges

Is a bit harder a task 

And I wonder about that crux

Some would say sex is solely for procreation 

Some say prostitution has existed so long for good reason

Some would say sex is given by God to enjoy; take for example tantric sex

Some say whatever is consensual between adults is A-OK

I don't quite know

I know I enjoy sex tremendously 

I also know how my desire does fluctuate around my hormones 

And that the same sexual studies that prove  women are more sexually attractive to men when they are ovulating 

Prove why I prefer the epitome of the archetype man in my fantasies

While I feel there is no issue with this 

I also feel that one should not indulge to the point of being a detriment to oneself or others

Financially, physically, mentally, and/or emotionally

If one can have a healthy, happy, honest, consensual (adult) sex life 

Then awesome

Go for it!

Full steam ahead. 

There's got to be a balance in life 

In all aspects. 

No unnecessary deprivation

And no toxic obsession

That fine line where it all fits together 

That's where I aim to be

Where I can indulge the lust 

And still carry on a spiritual quest. 

Why should it not be possible?

I don't see a reason why not really

Sex can be spiritual 

Which may explain why I am currently celibate though 

As I strive to meld love, sex and spirit 

I abstain from meaningless endeavors 

But that's not to say I object to others indulging

For who am I to judge

It just means that the desire has grown into something different 

Something more meaningful 

Into wanting something truly spectacular 

Which is what the melding of those theee things mean to me

But who knows. 

We shall see. 

Tantric Sex is on my bucket list 

But so is getting married again 

So are so many great things. 

Life is too short to be boxed in to one thing

One way of thinking 

One way of being. 

I hold to my heart very few deep convictions 

Those have to primarily do with compassion, love, freedom, God, my children. 

But I try to not let my life be led by other people convictions of how my life should be

Which sometimes is harder to do than it should be. 

All that religiousn doctrines and all those social norms

Are hard to escape from sometimes 

And I waver in conundrums sometimes 

Navigating my way to what feels right for me

For my life

In my heart 

For my soul

And sex is A-ok with me

Be selfish for once

I am full of thanks


To feel the love of God surging within me


God is not something outside of ourselves


Because God is everywhere


In everything


And everyone


And when we are closest to God is when we find God within ourselves


When we connect to that spirit within us


We can be deeply inspired from things outside of ourselves of course:


Prayer


Song


A loved one


Beautiful scenery


A kind gesture


Meditation


Etc.


But it is because it is opening up a connection to that which is within

It is like a sparked that opens up a spigot


One that flows within each and every one ofus


Filling us up with the love of God


And the asiest way to keep that spigot open


And feel that surges constant flow


Is to give love


To give it as much as we can


Wherever we can


To all we can


Aiming for everywhere


In every situation


With everyone


All the time


Because that source


That spigot


That love


Is never ending


Always replenished


Always flowing


And the more you give


The stronger you feel it


The more you send out


The more rushes through you


It's the best form of selfishness in the world


And the only one I can advocate for completely

*******

I can't explain the feeling of deep humility that washes over me when I am shown the love of God outside of myself.

I have been humbled by God's love in so many ways: through people, through experiences that could be explained by no other way than miracles.

I am thankful to be present and open to it when I have been. I know Gods love is everywhere. I just have to open my heart to it. Let my spigot connect to the all. Because there really is no disconnect. Like water that flows ever changing, ever connected. We are but one source.

But I am not here trying to say that no other source exists. That which you call forth; that which you seek will find you. That which you focus on will appear. That which you chose to see is what you will see.

And with that I want it to be understood that I have deep respect for the darkness. It is very powerful and if you call it; it will come. If you turn off the spigot of spirit, darkness will fill the empty spaces of your soul. That is what it does.

Few of us have such innately pure spirits that we can navigate the world without conscious thought. That ability is knocked out of most people. So we must make constant conscious decisions to be of lightness, to walk in the path of love. Then and only then can we go back to the pure spirit we were born with. To our true nature.  The conscious can open up the unconscious.

Life is a constant building of ego and self.  Yet it is this same ego and self image (self preservation) that we must let lie down to embrace the deepest consciousness within.   So many people claim to want to be Buddha or Christ like. To want to be saints. You can. I can. Anyone can. But few truly want to pay the price and walk that walk. Which is sad because the reward of living that path is well worth any sacrifice there is to be made.

It's truly not a shard as it seems. Grab that spigot. Hold it tight and crank it open. Keep cranking it open. Keep loving. Keep giving. Keep being open. Have no exceptions. None. When you can love and accept unconditionally. When you can be the joy of God. When you can be ever grateful, ever humbled, ever loving. You are there.

I have been on this path so long and I have seen so many things beyond belief.  I connect at least once a day to God, through prayer and meditation. Even so. As I pray to God to keep the passage open. To keep that spigot going. I still waver. I still struggle because it involves a very deep vulnerability. A very real rawness. The interesting thing is. I also know that in that deep level you are so at peace and so free that there is no fear.  The fear stops me from going to a place where there is no fear.  Now that's a heavy conundrum. The battle of the ego is a lofty one.

It isn't a dual to the death though. It's an embracing. An accepting. A letting go of it or giving it a huge chill pill.

Repeat after me

"It's fine"

"It's all fine"

"I am fine, exactly at this moment and time. I am fine".

You're spirit is always fine.  Love is never ending. Always present.  If you do not see it outside you needn't worry. It is always inside.