Forgiveness of self is hard to come by sometimes

God

Forgive me

But more importantly forgive my children

The ones I chose not to have

Let them re-enter the kingdom of heaven

They do not deserve to pay for my sins

I was foolish

I was naive

I was wrong

Let them have peace

And be one with you again

I want so much to return to you at the end of this journey

But while here

I want to see my children flourish

To hold my grandchildren in my arms

To peer into my great grandchildren's eyes and see your glory come to earth

I will try to keep on your path or rather

The path that I think will lead to you

But if I must repay my debt to these children

My debt to you

For taking their lives

By going to hell

If that is my punishment

Then so be it

If I must or can go to save them

Then let it be so

I know you

You are not a vengeful entity

You are not full of wrath and scorn

I believe that you will welcome me into your glory

I hope and pray this is so

But forgive me please God

I beseech you to have mercy upon me

As well as I beseech those sweet angels to hear my plea

I knew not fully what I was doing

And I would not do it again given the knowledge I have now

The knowledge I didn't quite attain until I had my own children

I know I have been blessed and cursed

In that I have seen heaven and hell

I wish  that you had let me stay in heaven with you then

But that was not my road to travel

Whatever road I have left before me

Let me travel that road in your honor

Let me travel that rode in complete truth

Fearlessly (courageously)

In humility

With grace

And with forgiveness

That I will give to myself

As well as others

That it may be the same grace and forgiveness I may receive

When my time has come to pass

*******

Forgive me my sweetest darlings

That I may one day know you again

That I may one day be able to love you again

This is my very true wish

Nothing - Everything - All

Nothing

Heaven is a place where there is no separation

There is no here

No there

No them

No us

It's just pure love

Pure acceptance

You are it

And it is you

I can't break that down any more really

There is no space and time

It's infinitesimal love and acceptance

In all directions

All at once

In complete power

Yet here on earth

We believe in space and time

We believe in separation of self

And others

We believe that the space between us exists and yet is intangible and therefor meaningless

But none of that is real

None of that is absolute

What it is

Really

When it comes down to it

Is you

In a different outfit

Coming to say hi to you in another outfit

So that there can be some acknowledgement of love's existence

So we may peer into the infinite

For a brief moment

From the outside in

But it's all an illusions

And the more we can see that

The more we can just sit back and appreciate what this life is

What is here for us

Who is before us

What we are experiencing in our own unique way

Who we are experiencing ourselves to be

Accepting and enjoying all of it

In all it's glory

The happier we will all be

******

If you are love

If you are everything and everyone

If you are all

How can you see yourself

How can you experience yourself

You're too busy being it

Living. It

At least that is my thought

And the moment you break consciousness with it

Is the moment you are born