Forgiveness of self is hard to come by sometimes

God

Forgive me

But more importantly forgive my children

The ones I chose not to have

Let them re-enter the kingdom of heaven

They do not deserve to pay for my sins

I was foolish

I was naive

I was wrong

Let them have peace

And be one with you again

I want so much to return to you at the end of this journey

But while here

I want to see my children flourish

To hold my grandchildren in my arms

To peer into my great grandchildren's eyes and see your glory come to earth

I will try to keep on your path or rather

The path that I think will lead to you

But if I must repay my debt to these children

My debt to you

For taking their lives

By going to hell

If that is my punishment

Then so be it

If I must or can go to save them

Then let it be so

I know you

You are not a vengeful entity

You are not full of wrath and scorn

I believe that you will welcome me into your glory

I hope and pray this is so

But forgive me please God

I beseech you to have mercy upon me

As well as I beseech those sweet angels to hear my plea

I knew not fully what I was doing

And I would not do it again given the knowledge I have now

The knowledge I didn't quite attain until I had my own children

I know I have been blessed and cursed

In that I have seen heaven and hell

I wish  that you had let me stay in heaven with you then

But that was not my road to travel

Whatever road I have left before me

Let me travel that road in your honor

Let me travel that rode in complete truth

Fearlessly (courageously)

In humility

With grace

And with forgiveness

That I will give to myself

As well as others

That it may be the same grace and forgiveness I may receive

When my time has come to pass

*******

Forgive me my sweetest darlings

That I may one day know you again

That I may one day be able to love you again

This is my very true wish