Confuzicated Sometimes

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by life

Because I can see so many angles to things 

And yet know

That there are even more I don't see

Things outside my sphere of understanding 

That are directly affecting my life 

That I am oblivious to

Not by choice of course

But because there's a complexity to living in a world full of other beings

With free will, karma/happenstance all intermixed

With divine intervention, ill will and bad mojo as distinct add ons 

All thrown into a cacophony of seemingly utter nonsense

Simply because I can't grasp the nuances

I can't see all the players

Their motives

Their actions

Their deepest desires

And secret agendas

And that's just on this one plane of existence 

How mind boggling is it to imagine on top of all that

Other worlds intercepting with ours?

Causing their own wave of consequences

It's too much for one mind to bare

Isn't it?

Better to live in happy oblivion 

To forgive those deemed unforgivable 

To give as much as we can

when it has been called upon us to do so

To brave this life

With our head valiantly held high

A smile of compassion for ourselves

And everyone else we meet

That's my goal

That's lofty enough

Because truly

I don't think I'll ever grasp it all completely 

But maybe I can learn to love it

To enjoy the ride

No matter where this wild adventure takes me

All of it

Just the same

Because I know at the end

It will all become known

As I travel to the next realm it will all be understood

I know this to be completely true 

(Although I am hoping it will happen in this life; while still in human form)

But regardless 

what is there to do but enjoy the madness

That this world is

The topsy turvy lies and all

I try to hit the opt out button as much as I can

I really do

It's not enough I'm sure. 

Sometimes it feels like living secluded in a remote island is the only true way. 

But this is currently the best I can do

And I know God is good with that

So why shouldn't I be as well

Really

So........

Dear confuzicating life:

Let the chaos 

bring me peace

Let the disappointments

Bring me acceptance

Let the petty annoyances

Bring me a wave of compassion

Let the self aggravation

Bring me self acceptance

Let the stresses

Bring me solace

Let the longing 

Bring me cheer

Let the hurt

Bring me closeness

Let the anxiety

Bring me vulnerability and openness

Let the distress

Bring me lightness

Because at the end of the day

It's all part of the human experience

Of living

Good

Bad

Painful

Exhilarating 

Petrifying

Mesmerizing 

It's all part of the miracle

And whether we asked for it or not

Here it is

So what is there to do

But relish it

Soak ourselves deep into its womb

And learn from it what we can

Give to it what we can

Show up!

Show up for it all

Every moment

With every breath we take

Because it can be beautiful

If we chose to see it that way

God......

May I always be able to see it that way. 

Longing for the miracle of ease

On paper I've had a hard life

In reality though

I try to see the bright side of it all

And be grateful for where I am

Who I am

The blessings I do have

And to see and understand that those bad things are part of a whole

They are not the whole themselves

And traumatic as some may have been

And as much as they still may be affecting me

Deep within my psyche

In ways I may not consciously comprehend

Or anticipate

I keep going

I keep positive

Sometimes struggling

Especially as of late

Seeing the darkness

And the light

Not as if two juxtaposed items

But as fluid states

As in standing at dusk/daybreak

Seeing the sun on one horizon

And darkness on another

Never quite fully sure exactly where one ends and one begins

Enjoying the light; while trying not to fixate too much on maintaining it

And navigating myself as safely & compassionately as I can until the darkness leaves once again

But I'd like so much

The miracle of complete inner peace

And that seems in today's society

Indeed quite a miracle

Almost as if we aren't even allowed to contemplate it

As if it didn't really exist

As if we were destined to always be like little babies

Reactive to every desire and distress

And only at peace when asleep or satiated of every need we can wrap our tiny brains around

Wah wah wah

Cries every person always

Me me me

Satisfy my desire

Satisfy my need

Satisfy me

But what if the real trick was to be happy

Regardless

Who could take that away from you?

If you harbor that happiness

That peace

Deep inside

There would be no way to ever take it from you

Without your permission or giving it by choice

Would there?

Rant #1

The world is a so beautiful and could be so magical. But it's run by idiots, trying to control other idiots, trying to outdo each other for top idiocy. What's it going to take for people to wake the fuck up?  None of this bullshit is real!!  None of it matters.

There are more than enough resources on this earth to feed, clothe, house every person. Humanity is so inhumane!

If people weren't so greedy, ignorant and wasteful.  If corporations weren't laying it all to waste. If wars of hatred and pillaging weren't always being waged. It's gone so far for so long. It's going to take a movement that really changes people from the inside out. Opens their hearts. Makes them see that love is the way. And that.......that alone would be the miracle of all miracles. Jesus today would be killed before he could give his first prayer.

The world is overrun with corruption, hatred (lack of empathy) and power run amok. I'm not sure it can be swung the other way. Then add to that; that Mother Nature hates us for good reason. If we don't kill ourselves she has the full right to spray us all like the roaches we are.

I have sympathy for people. One on one. But as a whole we are putrid, despicable, self-indulgent bastards.

If I were God. I would not purposely send a "savior" to this forsaken planet. I'd let it annihilate itself.

Even if someone were sent. The people in power would do everything they could to stop them. Everything.

The status quo must go on.

Not only this, but the people themselves. The ones being manipulated and controlled also would not want it. They don't want to wake up. They want the comfort of the make believe. The comfort that only truly exists in their minds.

They want to remove themselves from the atrocities of the world. Living in cozy little dwelling, ensconced as far away from the fray as they can. The havoc of reality.

I at least know it exists. I see behind the curtain. But it makes me no better. I do nothing really. I try to help the people I can. I try to do what I can when I see the need. It isn't enough. It will never be enough. But I have my children. Always in the forefront of my mind. I give my life to them and try in whatever small ways I can to show them to be brave against the tyranny of the world; to be themselves against the constant brainwashing. It's probably useless; but I will continue to push back where I can. How I can. Until the day I die.

It's a war waged from the top trickling down to right here. Right now. Our so called freedoms. Our so called rights. Almost all gone. We just have the appearance of freedoms which all to easily reveals itself.

I know this.

We have the freedom to be slaves to the top percenters, the governments, the corporations. The worst part is how easily the media, police and military do their bidding.

I make no excuses for any of it; yet I am a pacifist at heart. That said though; I stand up for myself and others when I need to, as I need to. As I can.

I can't succumb to hatred. And yet I can't let myself succumb to giving up either or to losing hope.

Why?

Because my hatred in retaliation would be no better than theirs; and because a life lived in despair is no life at all.

So. I must find the silver lining; seek the rainbows. I must praise the good, the strong, the morally incorruptible, those that stand for truth against all odds, those that take a stand no matter how small or to what sacrifice. I give thanks for those people, the people on the frontline of the true battle being waged. The battle of hatred versus love.

Come on people and just pick a side. Take off the blinders of your own complacency. Stop giving excuses for being a hypocrite and/or coward.  Be who you came here to be.

May you stand in peace and the light and love of God or may you be a worthy opponent to those that do. Let Judas not be you're claim to fame.

It's the lying that kills. I'd rather stand before my worst enemy as equals in battle then before a traitor seeking to give their last kiss.

Practice no more lies. If everyone just did that. The world would change miraculously. It would have no choice really. It may all come tumbling down at first. The facades that we've built up for so long would have to cave in. But it would all be built back again. Better. Stronger. More beautifully. More true.

Honor lies in the truth.

Peace lies in the truth.

The cost of the truth pays for itself tenfold...

In due time.

Truth is not a commodity to be bartered, sold, hidden or skewed. The truth stands alone. The truth knows no shame.  The truth does not fear. The truth does not seek approval.  The truth has its own merit far above all other virtues except perhaps: compassion and fortitude.

May the truth set you free.

Oh shut up

It's not about being all PC all the time. It's about equality and empathy.  I find it hilarious that the people that complain the most about all the liberal PC bullshit are rarely if ever on the receiving end of discrimination.

So simple

Humans are complex


Our body functions


Our supposed superior knowledge vs base animal instincts


Yet


Really


When it all gets laid bare


We aren't all that complex


We all have the same life or death necessities


We all come to this earth with the same basic needs


Which get only ever so slightly more complex as we age


with the addition of sex


And the want of fulfillment of our ever growing ego


But we have the same basic emotional and physical wants and needs


They are standard no matter what your skin color


Income level


Gender


Class


Or any other category we wish to separate ourselves into


We all are part of the all leveling commonality


Called the human existence


And it is a trivial and insignificant role we play


No matter if one is someone the likes of Ghandi


Or a fetus alive for only a moment of time.


In the grand scheme of eternity


We are less than zero


So all this division


This puffery


The games


The levels of superiority allocated out by those at the top


of the supposed hierarchies


We're all a bunch of fucking idiots


And we'd all be so much happier


If we could all  just see ourselves for the insignificant road kill that we are


And learned how to play well with EVERYONE


how to see ourselves in the eyes of every other being


Trapped on my this hunk of rock


Floating through space with us


How to open our hearts


For the limited amount of beats it will get


To the greater picture


The picture beyond our own base desires and whims


Beyond the fabricated reality we've been given to believe


And experienced it all


Open completely to it all


With blinders totally pulled off


To the systematically false norms


set out to


Chain us to the lies


we were never given a chance to accept for ourselves









Until

until our governments

Our corporations

Until our communities

Our businesses

Our places of worship

Until our houses

Until we ourselves

Individually

Operate out of a true sense of altruism, compassion and acceptance

Instead of a place of greed, indulgence, power mongering and self serving.

Until that happens

It will all keep going to hell

I finally got it

It all occupies the same continuum

Heaven

Hell

Present

Future

Parallel realities

All of it

At the same point

All points

Simultaneously
Every moment but a.......
(Different beat
On the same wavelength?)

A moment caught knowing
in its own existence

What are the moments in between?

A kind of death/rebirth of some sort or another.


********
I realize this is just an oversimplification of quantum physics

My point is that it allows for heaven and hell to simultaneously exist in the same planes of existence
I grasped my own philosophy finally
Now application is the real aim

Zing

Is it controllable?

Science wants us to believe so

And maybe to some extent it can be manipulated

And induced

Or reduced

Maybe

But when it hits you

When it takes you in

And takes over completely

When you can't stop it

Or will it away

When time does nothing to assuage it

When distance does nothing to hamper it

When nothing you do or don't do deters it

What is there to do?

But surrender to it

The cost

May not justify the actions

But when it feels this good to yield to it

And one can't even imagine not indulging in the sensation

What else is there to do really

It's almost as if there are no other real options.

Because to live in denial

Constantly pitted against ones own deepest desires

What kind of life is that?