Longing for the miracle of ease

On paper I've had a hard life

In reality though

I try to see the bright side of it all

And be grateful for where I am

Who I am

The blessings I do have

And to see and understand that those bad things are part of a whole

They are not the whole themselves

And traumatic as some may have been

And as much as they still may be affecting me

Deep within my psyche

In ways I may not consciously comprehend

Or anticipate

I keep going

I keep positive

Sometimes struggling

Especially as of late

Seeing the darkness

And the light

Not as if two juxtaposed items

But as fluid states

As in standing at dusk/daybreak

Seeing the sun on one horizon

And darkness on another

Never quite fully sure exactly where one ends and one begins

Enjoying the light; while trying not to fixate too much on maintaining it

And navigating myself as safely & compassionately as I can until the darkness leaves once again

But I'd like so much

The miracle of complete inner peace

And that seems in today's society

Indeed quite a miracle

Almost as if we aren't even allowed to contemplate it

As if it didn't really exist

As if we were destined to always be like little babies

Reactive to every desire and distress

And only at peace when asleep or satiated of every need we can wrap our tiny brains around

Wah wah wah

Cries every person always

Me me me

Satisfy my desire

Satisfy my need

Satisfy me

But what if the real trick was to be happy

Regardless

Who could take that away from you?

If you harbor that happiness

That peace

Deep inside

There would be no way to ever take it from you

Without your permission or giving it by choice

Would there?