Confuzicated Sometimes

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by life

Because I can see so many angles to things 

And yet know

That there are even more I don't see

Things outside my sphere of understanding 

That are directly affecting my life 

That I am oblivious to

Not by choice of course

But because there's a complexity to living in a world full of other beings

With free will, karma/happenstance all intermixed

With divine intervention, ill will and bad mojo as distinct add ons 

All thrown into a cacophony of seemingly utter nonsense

Simply because I can't grasp the nuances

I can't see all the players

Their motives

Their actions

Their deepest desires

And secret agendas

And that's just on this one plane of existence 

How mind boggling is it to imagine on top of all that

Other worlds intercepting with ours?

Causing their own wave of consequences

It's too much for one mind to bare

Isn't it?

Better to live in happy oblivion 

To forgive those deemed unforgivable 

To give as much as we can

when it has been called upon us to do so

To brave this life

With our head valiantly held high

A smile of compassion for ourselves

And everyone else we meet

That's my goal

That's lofty enough

Because truly

I don't think I'll ever grasp it all completely 

But maybe I can learn to love it

To enjoy the ride

No matter where this wild adventure takes me

All of it

Just the same

Because I know at the end

It will all become known

As I travel to the next realm it will all be understood

I know this to be completely true 

(Although I am hoping it will happen in this life; while still in human form)

But regardless 

what is there to do but enjoy the madness

That this world is

The topsy turvy lies and all

I try to hit the opt out button as much as I can

I really do

It's not enough I'm sure. 

Sometimes it feels like living secluded in a remote island is the only true way. 

But this is currently the best I can do

And I know God is good with that

So why shouldn't I be as well

Really

So........

Dear confuzicating life:

Let the chaos 

bring me peace

Let the disappointments

Bring me acceptance

Let the petty annoyances

Bring me a wave of compassion

Let the self aggravation

Bring me self acceptance

Let the stresses

Bring me solace

Let the longing 

Bring me cheer

Let the hurt

Bring me closeness

Let the anxiety

Bring me vulnerability and openness

Let the distress

Bring me lightness

Because at the end of the day

It's all part of the human experience

Of living

Good

Bad

Painful

Exhilarating 

Petrifying

Mesmerizing 

It's all part of the miracle

And whether we asked for it or not

Here it is

So what is there to do

But relish it

Soak ourselves deep into its womb

And learn from it what we can

Give to it what we can

Show up!

Show up for it all

Every moment

With every breath we take

Because it can be beautiful

If we chose to see it that way

God......

May I always be able to see it that way. 

Longing for the miracle of ease

On paper I've had a hard life

In reality though

I try to see the bright side of it all

And be grateful for where I am

Who I am

The blessings I do have

And to see and understand that those bad things are part of a whole

They are not the whole themselves

And traumatic as some may have been

And as much as they still may be affecting me

Deep within my psyche

In ways I may not consciously comprehend

Or anticipate

I keep going

I keep positive

Sometimes struggling

Especially as of late

Seeing the darkness

And the light

Not as if two juxtaposed items

But as fluid states

As in standing at dusk/daybreak

Seeing the sun on one horizon

And darkness on another

Never quite fully sure exactly where one ends and one begins

Enjoying the light; while trying not to fixate too much on maintaining it

And navigating myself as safely & compassionately as I can until the darkness leaves once again

But I'd like so much

The miracle of complete inner peace

And that seems in today's society

Indeed quite a miracle

Almost as if we aren't even allowed to contemplate it

As if it didn't really exist

As if we were destined to always be like little babies

Reactive to every desire and distress

And only at peace when asleep or satiated of every need we can wrap our tiny brains around

Wah wah wah

Cries every person always

Me me me

Satisfy my desire

Satisfy my need

Satisfy me

But what if the real trick was to be happy

Regardless

Who could take that away from you?

If you harbor that happiness

That peace

Deep inside

There would be no way to ever take it from you

Without your permission or giving it by choice

Would there?