My daily trajectories aren't astronomically different from most peoples. I aim for what most people want in life I'm sure.
Happiness, health, peace, bonding with friends, family and/or a community of like minded/hearted people, prosperity, to feel understood and to understand (especially those I most care about), to love and be loved, to do something worthwhile and meaningful, to make a difference, to handle myself with as much grace as I can and give myself and others as much compassion and kindness as I can muster, all whilst trying to maintain a good deal of humility and not take myself or most things all that seriously.
Lofty really...too much so I think.... and every single day I miss the mark in at least a few areas. But I muddle on. I keep thanking God for each day I wake up and for each night I lay my head down in the comfort of a warm bed in my safe home in this quiet town with hopefully a clear conscience and peace of mind that I tried my best. I ask for forgiveness for my transgressions; albeit however small they may have been. Not stopping to completely listen to my child talk. Smirking at a stranger for no good reason. Pulling into traffic when it may not have been my turn. And so on and so forth.
I'm not trying to be hard on myself or have expectations of perfection. I truly don't think I am or do. However I think it's good to have goals and some expectation of trying to improve. Trying to be the best me I can be at that given moment in time. Trying to learn from my mistakes. Is that entirely possible? Yes. I think so. But it takes a fair amount of observing ones behavior, acknowledging it, understanding it (if possible) and figuring out how to redirect it into a different path next time. Doesn't it? But what if I'm wrong?
What if all it takes is not all this stress? Not all these endeavors. Not all this redirection. What if all it takes is slowing down? Breathing. Softening my eyes. Opening my heart. Listening to that voice inside that speaks lovingly and purely. That makes me feel good and directs me towards the path of true happiness. The path that leads to my true self. To being a being of love. Towards myself and towards the entire world. With no exceptions.
Isn't that the path of God?
It's hard to slow down though. The stress of life. The news/media. The anger, fear and anxiety all around. These things aren't conducive to listening to our hearts. Then ad to that the constant bombardment of noise, people and electronics. How is that suppose to connect us back to ourselves? That's why it's so good to spend some time in nature or in silence every day. Some quiet time of contemplation. Meditation. Prayer. Just a walk around the block sometimes helps me immensely. Each person knows deep down what they need; I think. They just have to take away the road blocks.
The best way I've found to do that is simply not by admonishing the things I don't want or like. The things that are detrimental. But just by adding the things I do want. It's harder to stop myself from eating a bag of chips than to just add going to the gym. Maybe eventually...I'll add enough fruit and vegetables and healthy snacks to where I simply don't have room or the desire for the chips anymore. But I won't stress that now. I'll simply add what I do want in my life and let the things I don't want fall to the side naturally. All by themselves.
Because while self subjugation appears to be the right way to go and I fall into it so naturally....it seems. It has little actual long term efficacy. The easiest way. The most loving way. Is actually the most successful way to change. To grow. To become who I really want to be. Or I could settle for what I have been doing. Which is equal doses of complacency, despair, resignation, self-sabotage, self loathing, and on and on.
I wrestle these beasts almost daily it seems. But in the moments I can stop fighting them and instead offer myself compassion and deep acceptance. In those flashes of letting go of chastising myself; I have such a deep sense of peace. I only wish that feeling to always be present; for myself and every other person walking this earth. To feel how good it feels to inhabit a place of coming at the whole world (starting with myself) through the eyes of deep, honest kindness and love.
Wish that I could make that feeling last forever. But no admonishment here. Just a longing. Which I'll counteract that with soft eyes, deep breathing, and more love.
Love all around. Sprinkling heavily. Watching it grow. ;)
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