Hypocrisy

we all suffer from it

Mild variations to wild showings of it

All day long really

We simply make justifications

Unwittingly most times

Knowingly very, very few

Which makes hypocrisy probably one of the most common ills of our species

Along with lying and selfishness of course

Hand in hand (most oft)

I try so hard

To not do this

But sometimes I fail miserably

And sometimes I fail without being able to stop myself

This happens A LOT when I'm PMS'ing

And/or in full migraine mode

Where everything and everyone just crawls up my nerves

Where the only solace seems to come from barricading myself in my room

Dimming the lights

And resting away the day

Hormones are a bane

I see the necessity

Biologically speaking.

I understand it

But emotionally

The tirade hormones subject me to

Is at times so difficult to overcome

That's it's almost comical

Case in point

I found myself taking out my pretend gun (index finger pointed) at a driver yesterday that tailgated me

Then proceeded to pass me way too close for comfort and then decided to slow down to a crawls pace.

Where most days this would be fodder for laughter yesterday it sent me in a tizzy

And I shot at them

Which then got my daughter to say what a good influence I was being to the toddler

Which then got me thinking of all the stickers I have on my car of love and gratitude

And how some days

I can't carry that load

Some days I have to take out my pretend gun and shoot someone

I have compassion for myself

Through it all though.

I try at least

Maybe one day I'll learn to best these hormonally caused mood swings

I have hope for that

But.

I recognize also that

I can't entirely blame hormones for my periods of hypocrisy

I have being human to blame for that;

rationalizations.

It's a mind of matter thing really. No?

It takes being always mindful

Always on guard

Always fighting the tide of selfishness

And that unfortunately

Is probably never ending.

I find it easier to stem that tide when I try to come at all things with compassion, acceptance and love

But I'm sure everyone is entitled to off days. Lol