I procreated

Maybe I can explain it scientifically

Maybe my heart is broken beyond repair

I don't know that for sure

I do know

That I'm 43 now (I was about to type in 42lol)

I'm done conceiving children

I've loved many men

I've lived many adventures with men

I'm done

I'm really done

I feel like

I have work to do

And I can't and won't be backed down from it

Any longer

I don't need a person to orchestrate my life for me

I just want someone who can show up when I need them

And that I can hopefully do the same for

That we can have sex

And fun

That I can that with my life

With my heart

And they can do the same

That time

Distance

Nothing will stop our bond

I thought I had that

But nothing that hurts that much

Can be called love

Nothing that harms you that much

Can possibly be real

Love is meant to hurt in a good way

It's meant to break you open to love even more

It's not suppose to close you up

It's not suppose to break your heart

In a damaging way

I've finally learned that

Of course I have no knowledge at all

Of how to apply that

So for now.

No men

And maybe at some point

Someone will will come along

That I can be completely me with

Who will support me in that 100%

And that I can trust and have fun with

In a real

you be you too way

But for now

I'm perfectly and completely satisfied with nothing

And no one.

Just me

And my little tribe


--

Right now. I am the paranoid mom of three beautiful girls that I have no intention of ever putting in harms way. So help me God.