Am I not trying enough?

Can you defeat your own devil

With love and laughter

I venture to say so

I venture to say that's what you had to do

To become holy

Look your own devil in the eyes

And say nothing

And do nothing

But be love

But be strength

But be you're Devine you

It's an interesting thought

That really just

Scares the bejeezus out of me

For sure

And yet I try

To bring my heart to the table

At every turn

I may miss the mark

But I'm trying

For sure

The best I can

And I hope that at least 

for the ones I love

That that is enough

And

That you can think of me 

Also with love

Wouldn't that a blessed life be

Life

If you just stop and listen life conspires in such a way as to give you what you need most times. Instincts count for a lot in life. Not fear. Instincts. 

Black version of Annie

I just saw a great updated (finally) version of Annie

With Jamie Fox and Cameron Diaz

Will Smith and Jay Z produced it

It's really great

It's not Shakespeare or anything

But it highlights come very topical points

Like how FDR and the New Deal benefitted all of society including the already rich

How cell phone companies have stored all your personal information for decades

I really enjoyed it

Even for being a kids movie

It isn't poignant

But nowadays what besides documentaries typically is anyway?

It's very entertaining

Well made

If you have kids watch it with them

Unless you don't like black people

Or musicals

Male vs female

It occurred to me today that within this earth

Realm  we live on

Things have been separated into many opposing  categories

One of which is

A male energy for God

And a female energy for Earth (Mother Nature)

Now I have no idea if these are correct attributions

Nor if  these entities exist separately

Nor if this allusion is correct

I venture to say based on strictly the existence of gay/transgender/bisexuality

That this may not be accurate

Yet even the supposed more enlightened

Often attributing white light to God

And red to earth

Which sounds fine

But again seems to reinforce separation

I can't say I know the answer

But the question is intriguing.

Why do we need to categorize ourselves

And our lives

via opposing views

When it seems to me

we have more in common

Than not

I don't have a God complex

Am I the only one concerned that scientist in Israel have been able to make a black hole?

Granted with sound waves

Not light waves

And in tiny size and minuscule duration

But still

This is potentially dangerous

The theory is basically the same

So now that it's been demonstrated and tested and confirmed(?)

Now what?

The world wasn't ready for the technology it had before this

Cloning?

genetic modification

Cloaking

Chemical warfare

Synthetic opioids

We don't have an ethical bone to stand on

As long as power and greed reign supreme

In humankind

Then any advancement in science and technology

Will be used for evil

We must first raise our own moral compasses

One by one

You and I 

Or we are doomed by God complexes

Outside of the real God

-------

So here is where I say I don't have a God complex

Not in the sense that I want to be in control of all things at all times

That I want and expect things to go by my plan

Nope.

Not at all

Not ever

I follow God's plan

Or what I believe to be God's plan

And I know just as Joan of Arc did

That if I listen closely

Through my heart

With the power of love

I can hear God speak

Through me

With me

Within me

Because I am a child of God

I am alive by the power of God

Just as everyone else is as well

I am no more

And no less

A child of God than anyone else

Walking this beautiful earth.

In this beautiful universe

Just one

Of a vastness of creatures

I can't even begin to comprehend

And

I accept and embrace that

As my truth

So in no way do I feel any sort of

"God Complex"

I simply feel like I should have a logo sticker on me that says

"Powered by God"

Don't you?

Maybe not always 

That's a hard load to carry

But I do feel it a lot

Thanks be to God

It's ALL politics

There are very few things I hold sacred

Mostly because everything is fallible

As is everyone in it

And I can laugh at myself

As easily as I can laugh at most everyone else

So then really

What's there to take so seriously

However

I always had a soft spot for Doctors Without Borders

But 

Now I see

That they too are highly political

And selfish as well

Maybe they can justify it to themselves

By all the lives they save

But for Kayla Mueller

It seems they all but sealed her fate

With their errors in judgment

Sad

So sad

That most people can justify their actions

So readily

When it doesn't involve sacrificing themselves

Or the ones they love

Maybe that's the one thing I can respect of suicide bombers

They may be delusional

They may have heaven and hell all bent out of shape

But they stand by their convictions enough to give up everything 

I can have more respect for a suicide bomber than most politicians,bureaucrats, and CEO's

They stand for something beyond themselves

What do you stand for?

https://www.google.com/amp/abcnews.go.com/amp/International/kayla-mueller-captivity-courage-selflessness-defended-christian-faith/story%3fid=41626763?client=safari

2 Nuns killed in Mississippi

2 nuns killed in home invasion.

Maybe

Maybe not

Maybe they were killed because they ousted the catholic priests for using the gay lover app finder Grindr?

It's probably not true

I have absolutely zero evidence

I don't know who ratted them out

I say let them be gay

Just not child molesters

Let that be a line in the sand

Not being Gay

Anyway

Those aren't even my main issue with the Catholic Church

My main issue is the misogyny of the church

Yea yea

I'll give you credit for Mary Mother of God

But you can't even admit to the one "possible"

Female pope you've ever had

Uhu

Listen

If you aren't having me

Trust me that I don't want to be there.

You can't ordain women and worship womenhood?

God must be a man?

I say Fuck You!

Sorry

Too harsh?

In my defense

You said it to me first

Mississippi

Even as Los Angeles actually (in the newspaper) admits to the spraying in the sky having to do with "weather modifications". I refuse to believe that the US government made the torrential mass rainstorm that has caused 7 deaths and millions of dollars in damage to people's homes. I also refuse to believe that they could have possibly (via these modification programs) possibly deterred the rain from falling so devastatingly. 

My heart simply goes out to those poor souls. With a storm that has no name even; so much damage has been had. So many lives turned upside down. Again. In that poor state. After Katrina and the massive oil spills (one after another after another).  It's just heartbreaking.  What these people of this fine state have endured and yet the spirit of the land seems intact. It's no wonder that not a lot of people leave. They rebuild. They simply rebuild. 

Mississippi must be one truly wonderful place; despite Mother Nature and corporate/government idiocy.

I mean sure. Conspiracies could be had. Always. Always. But what good does it do to bother to think about it?  Even if when it comes down to it being the truth no one wants to do anything about it anyway. Right?  Who's out there protesting the oil drilling?  Who's out there protesting the mismanagement of FEMA funds after Katrina?  Is anyone?  Does anyone even care?  They've got everyone so busy surviving. Who has time to care I guess?  Who's out there protecting mankind from the worst of itself; greed and ignorance?  Who?

Russia

Putin

I love you!

Even if secretly you want to take over the world....maybe still?

I suppose what leader doesn't right?

You are playing a life size version of world dominion or juvenile version of battleship maybe

Are you still wanting to take Ukraine?

Really!!

But still. As a ruler you are one of my favorite

You gave in to the people

It seems to have taken you a while

Of course

And I'm not sure if you got there from selfish 

or selfless reasons

But got there

Putting the interests of the people first

Banning GMO's

Making the MMR vaccine 3 separate vaccines

Improving the economy

Increasing job pay

You really are a man of the people

And I applaud you that

Have you gone back on Gardasil? (I wonder)

After originally banning it

I hope to God not

But anyway;

I applaud you 

Dear sir

For your kindness

For your kindness to the soul

Of your country

I applaud you

For setting the right example

As a leader

As a world figure

My humble and sincere thanks

I believe Uruguay deserves honors in this respect as well. Yet they aren't marketing as wonderfully as Putin is. I think. 

Italy

We here in the United States

Complain

Government oversight

Can be a pain in the ass

Of course

Who could disagree

To some extent or another

But when I see buildings that arent even that old here

Retrofitted 

For earthquakes*

It does make me proud to be an American

My heart bleeds for Italy. 

All those poor people

That sweet town devastated

It will be rebuilt

Stronger

Better

But those lives can never be replaced

And no improvements going forward

Will ever make up for them

Rest in Peace


*like in California 

Trust

Here's the thing about relationships 

It's that

they are hard

Some of them are so very hard

I've learned after much trial and tribulation

That if it isn't easy

If it doesn't feel natural

Then it isn't meant to be

And that's with all things

Not just relationships

So if it isn't coming easy

And isn't bringing you happiness

Then it simply isn't meant to be

Leave it to the next chap

Maybe they'd have a better go at it**

And move on

Not just on the outside

But on the inside

Where it really counts

Let it go

--------------

Except sometimes

Like in the case of family

How can one?

Really

What does one do when one loses trust?

close part of their heart off to that person

Not entirely

Not completely

But a bit

One loses hope

One loses the desire to love with abandon anymore

One loves perhaps

But guardedly

And what kind of love is guarded?

What kind of love comes with clauses and ultimatums?

None!

No real love

Because

Love has no guards

True love doesn't

It simply doesn't

----------------------

Imagine living like you are in love

Think of that one special person

That made life alright

That made life special

That made living magical

And imagine feeling that way towards everyone

That's how Jesus loves

Loved

Whatever

Buddha

Mother Theresa 

Same thing

Countless others

Of many religions in sure

You just don't see it exemplified that much

So it's hard to catch

It's hard to understand

And worse yet

Even when you do understand

It's hard to live

Because you'll be confronted with things

That seem unforgivable

Things that you simply can not understand

And you're being asked

Time and time again

To forgive

You're being asked to love

And I can be the hardest thing to do

Sometimes 

Especially if you think about it too much

------------

Maybe

It can start even at birth

Your distrust for the world

Via cesarean

Via drugs and medication

Or

Via cultural ignorance

Via indoctrination  to "reality"

I don't know

--------------------

Why does America lead first in world country baby deaths of first world nations?

And also lead in cesareans (unsure ranking exactly)

With even the WHO saying it's 300% over ideal percentage for countries. 

That simply can not be right

---------------------

We are animals

We truly are

And all this domestication

Isn't good for us

It simply isn't.

We are social animals

With keen instincts

When used!!!!

Except life dulls it at every turn

With its backwards way of living

Left to our own devices we hunt and gather**

That is our way

And childbirth is a natural and glorious

Form of entry into it

Without that entry

We lose a lot of our instincts I believe

-----------------

But the gyst of this whole thing

is that

distrust can start right there at birth even

And just continue and spread like a plague

On your heart

So what is there to do?

But trust

But love

But try to see your way through the pain

As best you can

As best you absolutely can

And through that pain

The pain of putting you heart out there

for the world to buffet around

As they please

Through that pain

Glorious beauty arises

Given from God

As reward for your bravery 

You just have to take your blinders off

To see it

You have to look out of your own heart

And into the heart of another

Which then

leaves you vulnerable

To also be seen

And that is the scariest thing there is

Isn't it?

To be seen for who we really are

Warts and all

And I think the fear

Of being loved in spite of that

Is scarier to most people

Than the fear 

Of being hated for it

--------------------

So how does one regain trust?

I don't know

Ultimately;

I think the above is right

I just can't seem to exemplify that quite as well as I'd like to be right now (lol)***

**i like to use different dialects sometimes. Spanish, slang, British, I have no issues with any idiom, language or whatever really; except anger and hatred.

**ever see the show "Naked & Afraid"

***inside joke; but if you knew the backstory it would be more funny in a sad way than funny ha ha. Like a dramedy can sometimes be or satirical comedies at times; like Amy Schumar and Maya & Marty. 

Hate the invasion (advertising, propaganda & fake news)

You know why I hate you technology

Specifically the Internet (right this second)

And all the evils* it come with it

I hate the invasion

The sanctitude of my solace

With your sales and gimmicks

With your news (that's really just advertising fluffs; like in the porn industry).

With you collecting all the information you can on me and then using it against me to sell me things I don't really want/need, or pursuade me on some issue.

Can you PLEASE

Leave me alone!!!!

I don't mind one neutral and unbiased front page

With news of all the world

In complete truth

And not propaganda

And hidden agendas

Without trying to sell you the lastest, greatest thing

The problem is

That doesn't exist

But all the same

Sometimes I don't mind

Whatever

I can accept it as part of life

I just try and figure it out as I go along

And other times

It just cuts me to the core

It just starts to feel like I'm always being fucked with

It's like

For Christ's sake

Leave me alone




*and by this I specifically today mean the people selling me shit and wanting to control my information (Google).

Poor France

Dealing with bombings

Dealing with a large Muslim population

What is the "Soul of France" to do?*

Well

For starters they must not by into this

Xenophobia

Then they have to engraciate themselves better

With the Muslim population so that they will oust any rebels

Right now they have more loyalty to other brethren than to the nation as a whole

You must rectify that

Or things will get worse

In that respect

America is lucky to have mostly non middle-east immigrants

Not because they have a propensity towards violence per se

It's that

You just use what you know to affect change.

And some middle easterners have vast experience using arms

Unlike the very pacifistic Hispanics

And the much beaten down blacks

I have respect for the Muslims

For their culture

Sure it may be nothing like mine

But that doesn't make it inherently bad

Or those people inherently bad

The only thing I see as bad is imposing standards for women

That are both not imposed to men

And which women have no choice but to follow

That there is the mistakes I see

Women have no voice

but as far as terrorism and terrorist

Those people start the same as everyone else

But somewhere along the lines

They lost hope

They lost compassion

They lost their humanity

Not because they didn't have it to begin with

But because life beat it out of them

Life can be that way

And if you (especially France)

Take your head out of the sand long enough

You may see how perhaps you had a tiny bit to do with it

Perhaps

Helped ever so minutely

Push that button



*aks Marine Le Pen

To my loves

I hope you keep your ideals

Fluid enough to allow growth and change

Yet firm enough to follow

And that you never sell out

No matter the price

I hope you strive to understand people

More than correct them

Strive for compassion

More than to be right 

I hope you don't let false friends

Lead you down bad roads

And that if you do get down one

No matter how you've gotten there

That you believe in your heart 

That you can find your way back to your true nature

You're true self

A person full of love

I hope when you do something bad

You learn to forgive yourself

And make amends/recompense as best you can

I hope when you look in the mirror

You always love the person you see

Faults and all

That while you hold unending love and compassion for that person staring back at you

That you still strive to be your best

To do your best

To love your best

To be a good citizen of the world

A good caretaker of the earth

And of your fellow man/woman

No matter what walk of life they hail from

I hope that you enjoy all their is in life to enjoy

Just not at any harsh cost

I hope you squeeze all the happiness you can out of life

While if not leaving the world a better place for having been here

At least leaving it no worse

I hope you get to do all you really want to do

Well.

Almost all

Some stuff

Like for example: fame/celebrity status', gang bangs, dangerous drugs abuse, alcoholism, violence/crime is better left alone and never treaded upon. Some roads once you go down there is no climbing back from. Some leave scars for life. Just trust me on that one. 

And please promise me you will never

Ever ever

Lie

No matter the reason

No matter the severity

Maybe a small omission or distraction from the truth never really hurt too many. But I do stress a very, very SMALL one and even then only if absolutely need be. 

If you can follow only one thing, please let it be this. Never tell a lie, not to others and especially not to yourself. 

And know. I love you through and through for exactly who you are.  If I ever made you feel otherwise please try to forgive me my erroneous ways.