Trust

Here's the thing about relationships 

It's that

they are hard

Some of them are so very hard

I've learned after much trial and tribulation

That if it isn't easy

If it doesn't feel natural

Then it isn't meant to be

And that's with all things

Not just relationships

So if it isn't coming easy

And isn't bringing you happiness

Then it simply isn't meant to be

Leave it to the next chap

Maybe they'd have a better go at it**

And move on

Not just on the outside

But on the inside

Where it really counts

Let it go

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Except sometimes

Like in the case of family

How can one?

Really

What does one do when one loses trust?

close part of their heart off to that person

Not entirely

Not completely

But a bit

One loses hope

One loses the desire to love with abandon anymore

One loves perhaps

But guardedly

And what kind of love is guarded?

What kind of love comes with clauses and ultimatums?

None!

No real love

Because

Love has no guards

True love doesn't

It simply doesn't

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Imagine living like you are in love

Think of that one special person

That made life alright

That made life special

That made living magical

And imagine feeling that way towards everyone

That's how Jesus loves

Loved

Whatever

Buddha

Mother Theresa 

Same thing

Countless others

Of many religions in sure

You just don't see it exemplified that much

So it's hard to catch

It's hard to understand

And worse yet

Even when you do understand

It's hard to live

Because you'll be confronted with things

That seem unforgivable

Things that you simply can not understand

And you're being asked

Time and time again

To forgive

You're being asked to love

And I can be the hardest thing to do

Sometimes 

Especially if you think about it too much

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Maybe

It can start even at birth

Your distrust for the world

Via cesarean

Via drugs and medication

Or

Via cultural ignorance

Via indoctrination  to "reality"

I don't know

--------------------

Why does America lead first in world country baby deaths of first world nations?

And also lead in cesareans (unsure ranking exactly)

With even the WHO saying it's 300% over ideal percentage for countries. 

That simply can not be right

---------------------

We are animals

We truly are

And all this domestication

Isn't good for us

It simply isn't.

We are social animals

With keen instincts

When used!!!!

Except life dulls it at every turn

With its backwards way of living

Left to our own devices we hunt and gather**

That is our way

And childbirth is a natural and glorious

Form of entry into it

Without that entry

We lose a lot of our instincts I believe

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But the gyst of this whole thing

is that

distrust can start right there at birth even

And just continue and spread like a plague

On your heart

So what is there to do?

But trust

But love

But try to see your way through the pain

As best you can

As best you absolutely can

And through that pain

The pain of putting you heart out there

for the world to buffet around

As they please

Through that pain

Glorious beauty arises

Given from God

As reward for your bravery 

You just have to take your blinders off

To see it

You have to look out of your own heart

And into the heart of another

Which then

leaves you vulnerable

To also be seen

And that is the scariest thing there is

Isn't it?

To be seen for who we really are

Warts and all

And I think the fear

Of being loved in spite of that

Is scarier to most people

Than the fear 

Of being hated for it

--------------------

So how does one regain trust?

I don't know

Ultimately;

I think the above is right

I just can't seem to exemplify that quite as well as I'd like to be right now (lol)***

**i like to use different dialects sometimes. Spanish, slang, British, I have no issues with any idiom, language or whatever really; except anger and hatred.

**ever see the show "Naked & Afraid"

***inside joke; but if you knew the backstory it would be more funny in a sad way than funny ha ha. Like a dramedy can sometimes be or satirical comedies at times; like Amy Schumar and Maya & Marty.