Staying Positive

Having such a hard time staying positive.  Yet, when I put positivity and humility out there, it comes back to me tenfold it seems.  It's hard to maintain my heart wide open though, sometimes it just wants to sit and rest in quite solace and solitude to recover and start again.  I heard this great song that stopped me in my tracks today.  I had to pull over to the side of the road to listen to it again and I cried and cried when I heard it.  Some of the lines are so magical.  Not that I believe in some mythical man in a throne in the sky or if you're eyes are on the cross* then is when you "know I (God) always have and I always  will"  (have you covered). At first I thought it said... just be here, but that doesn't provide as much comfort as...just be held.  Who in the world doesn't want to be held when life craps out on you a bit.**

So to trust, that someway, somehow it's all for my benefit....takes a huge leap of faith.  It takes a huge leap to resign yourself to the fact that I have to learn these specific lessons in life or I have to serve in this specific way at this time.   After all my life is (at this specific point not my own; it is) part my children's and mostly God's.  I serve at the pleasure of (they say) "The King", but again, not some male figure we're talking about in reality.  I serve at the pleasure of God and each step in life seems to reiterate to me...to love myself, to accept myself completely along the way, to accept others completely and everything that happens as somehow needing to have happened (no matter how cruel it seems to have been; like The Holocaust for example).  To believe that everything happens for a reason.  To believe that we can still make a difference in our own unique way.  To believe that we can make the world a better place simply by being who we are completely, even if we have to die for it.  That takes true courage and a lot of stupidity maybe (looking from the outside in),  but it is the richest way to live that I've found so far.  The funnest, happiest, most silly and most honest way to live.  To look life in the eyes grab it by the balls and say "I ain't afraid of you, bring it on now you, bring it on my love (God)" ***.  It takes an act of courage; one I try so hard to muster every single day.




*Maybe some people need that specific sign, but anything can be an inspiration from God; flowers, the smile of a beloved child, a rainbow, a beautiful sunset, the clouds in the sky, anything can be a symphony about God if you let it be.

**Song is Just be Held by Casting Crowns

***Hey, if you people are going to keep referring to God as a male then there is no reason why I can't grab him by the balls (but again, he doesn't exist, so you can't be insulted).  After all I am of the firm belief that God gave me my life and no one can take that faith away from me (short of all these zombie drugs/vaccines/chemicals/pesticides/alcohol/GMO**** and a lobotomy).


****Because you get enough crap in your body you really don't know if you're coming or going half the time, if you're lucky enough to not die from a cancer or degenerative condition.